The Starry, Timeless Skies
by wolfstar120716
Summary: A journey through time, from years 1-7. Rated T for content that occurs later on, eventual Remus/Sirius and Jilly. New chapters uploaded weekly. Reviews are appreciated as I'm working on my writing skills! Lots of descriptive, natural world-focused language, letters, and a 3rd person examination of the inner workings of the Marauders as they discover love, fear & growing up.
1. Chapter 1

**The Starry, Timeless Skies**

 _Authors Note: I am aware the starting ages for the Marauders are slightly older in this piece than in the actual series, but I made the artistic choice to have them begin first year at age 13. I made this choice for a number of reasons, but primarily for the sake of getting to delve more deeply into their evolving personalities within the context of middle to later adolescence._

Chapter 1: A new beginning

It was deliriously busy at the platform already, with throngs of students waving their goodbyes and embracing teary-eyed parents. Remus clutched his worn book bag in his arms as he realized that there was no going back; Not after he had run through the station wall, and into this new world of other children, and independence. His golden eyes grew watery as he gazed at his parents for what would be the last time in quite a while. They all smiled in shared nervousness.

"Take care of yourself, you do understand, son?" His Mother choked out in a thick French accent, not extending the same effort as Remus in hiding her tears.

"Yes, Mum, I promise. I'll write whenever I'm able to." he replied.

He looked up at his Father, who had a certain talent for keeping a straight face at all times. Remus was only thirteen but he had already mastered this skill as well, to the dismay of his sentimental Mother.

"You must make absolute certain you take seriously that which Dumbledore tells you. He shall be keeping an eye on you while we cannot, and he certainly has made many… _arrangements_ on our behalf." John Lupin said, Kindly, but with a firm tone.

Remus knew his Father was too polite to say "your" instead of "our", but he didn't need to. The boy was no stranger to feelings of guilt, and this was not the first time "special arrangements" were made on his behalf.

"Yes sir. I will."

The boy, feeling his anxiety rise, took a deep breath and calmed himself. Remus had spent much of his young life alone due to his lycanthropic condition, and the prospect of socializing felt foreign. The family had been repeatedly assured of his safety during an unexpected visit from Professor Dumbledore the previous Spring, but the unanimous doubt lingered on.

"Well, off you go then! Study and learn as much as you can. We love you." John said, allowing a smile to creep onto his face as he squeezed his thin son's shoulder reassuringly.

"Je t'aime!" His Mother nodded, pulling him into one last hug.

"Bye, love you!"

Turning away slowly, he began to move up the steps and then through the center walkway of the train, moving past the other students. He felt far too intimidated to boldly introduce himself to a new group. He continued on, eventually stopping at an empty compartment towards the rear.

He slid open the glass pane and examined the space, lit by warm yellow lighting and green carpeting. He slid his book bag off his shoulder and placed it under the seat, before sitting down gently and letting out a deep breath. His body still ached after a recent full moon, and he gingerly avoided brushing any of his still-healing scars through his shirt.

Before he had the chance to pull out his textbook, the sound of loud laughter jolted him upright. He stared out the door as two boys approached the compartment. Not even knocking first, they briefly looked through the window at Remus and proceeded to swing open the door and file in.

The boy in front reminded Remus a bit of an owl, with big, circular glasses sitting crooked on his nose as his dark hair stuck up and out in all directions. The boy next to him was slightly shorter, with curly black hair and the greyest eyes Remus had ever seen. He had sharp, refined features. Unlike the boy with glasses, this one seemed a little less enthusiastic.

The first boy grinned cheekily and held out his hand.

"My names James. James Potter. Who're _you_?" He said enthusiastically, cocking his head to the side. Remus couldn't help but think this "James" was a bit cartoonish.

Before Remus could think of what to say in response, the boy next to James stepped forward and looked directly at Remus.

"I'm Sirius. Sirius Black." Remus shifted uncomfortably under this new boy's intense stare, but not wanting to offend, nodded at the two and smiled shyly.

"It's nice to meet you. My name is Remus Lupin."

He averted his eyes downward as he felt the two boys staring at him. The more paranoid part of his mind wondered if he had any bad scars he forgot to conceal, but he reminded himself he had already checked that 5 times before leaving that morning; Everything was fine.

"Bloody nice to meet you, Remus. I was just telling my new friend Sirius here about a spell my cousin showed me; Wanna see?" James inquired excitedly as Sirius rolled his eyes, but chuckled and smiled.

"You don't want to kill him James, we just met him after all!" Sirius laughed, and the two boys play-shoved each other. Remus smiled and felt himself relax slightly; These two were nice. Maybe talking to new people wouldn't be so difficult after all.

"Perhaps those sorts of ventures would be better left for situations in which we are not on a moving vehicle…" Remus said politely, prompting the other boys to stare, and then break up into laughter.

 _Yes,_ he thought. _Perhaps some new people are worth talking to._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: A Family Matter

The school year had been in swing for a mere two weeks, and already the three boys were as thick as thieves. Not only had they all been sorted into Gryffindor, but they were assigned the same dorm room as well, in addition to a fourth boy, Peter. The classes were challenging, the food was delicious, and to Remus's disbelief, he had actually managed to make _friends._

The night they had been sorted passed by in a blur. Sirius was the first of their dorm room to be called, and Remus was confused by the whispers he heard all around him when his new friend was sorted into Gryffindor.

He wondered to himself if being sorted into that particular house was bad in some way, but his worries were cut short by his name being called from the front of the hall. After some deliberation between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, the hat elected the latter, and Remus was relieved to notice that his peers were clapping and no one was giving him funny looks.

The four boys were gathered in the common room that Friday evening, huddled over an intense battle of Wizard's Chess between James and Remus, when a sudden squawking sound pervaded the space. Their heads shot up as Sirius's family owl swooped in from the opened window and landed regally next to Sirius, placing a strange looking letter on his lap.

The boys all turned questioningly to a pale Sirius, whose eyes widened as he took in the trembling envelope. Before anyone could utter a word, the paper sprung up into the air, transfigured into a tight-lipped mouth.

" _Sirius Orion Black,_

 _It is with great disappointment that I write to you today. I have just been informed that my own son, the heir of our estate and first born, has defiled the family traditions that I hold so dear. What kind of filth betrays ones own family?"_

Remus's eyes widened in shock as the three boys gaped at the letter. Sirius just looked down, though not before Remus glimpsed a tear in the boy's eyes. He wondered why Sirius's mother would even write to him in such a harsh way- what could he have possibly done since they all arrived?

 _"_ _Your father was in Slytherin, your Grandfather, HIS Father!"_ The letter spat venomously.

Sirius was both profoundly humiliated, and grateful for a largely empty common room. It was rather late and most were already asleep, though he hoped his Mother's inane screeching hadn't changed that.

" _And you go and throw all of that pride, that great history, all away! And for what? Your cousin tells us you are associating with the worst kind of wizards there! If I hear of your continued acquaintance with blood traitors, there will be punishment beyond a severity of which you can understand!"_

And with that, the letter threw itself dramatically into the fireplace, leaving the four stunned boys in heavy silence. James shifted uncomfortably and ruffled his hair, looking towards Sirius, who refused to return the gaze. Remus looked at Sirius as well, with a strange sadness washing over him. He had no idea that someone as funny and happy could have a parent like… _that._ Peter just looked down, not wanting to be the first to speak.

Sirius, sensing the tension and a need for some explanation, looked up at the others. His grey eyes, that just moments ago had been churning with feeling, were dark and still. He clenched his jaw and looked resolute.

"Sorry you lot had to hear that," He muttered. He paused and looked down, then back towards his friends nervously. James grinned slightly at him, and Peter shrugged. He turned to Remus who just sat there, face still and unreadable but with eyes that were clearly brimming with tears. Remus had an overly-empathetic disposition that he had never managed to outgrow.

"Don't be sorry." Remus whispered. "I'm so sorry that someone in your own family would speak to you that way."

James observed the group's newfound seriousness and, being James, quickly cut in with a joke.

"You think _that's_ bad, you should have heard Minnie after I toilet-papered her hallway last week. Makes your Mother sound like Mother Theresa…"

With that there was a collective exhale, and the boys all chuckled together. Sirius looked back over at Remus who seemed to have relaxed.

"Yeah, she can be quite…intense. My whole family can be, actually. They're kind of into the whole 'blood-purity' thing. But I promise, I'm really not like them. Not at all." Sirius asserted, looking to his friends for approval.

"No worries mate- I mean, you can't control who your parents are! Besides, you don't have to tell us you're different- that's pretty obvious." James offered.

Remus looked down and felt sick to his stomach. It didn't take any genius to piece together that a family obsessed with blood purity wouldn't exactly embrace a werewolf. Sirius said he was different, but even good wizards had the right to be afraid of someone like him.

"Well I guess it could have been worse…I heard one time a girl's howler burst into flames when it was finished!" Peter exclaimed, at which point the boys all broke out into laughter again. They all gradually moved on with their night, and the game of wizard's chess.

Later on, the boys ascended the stairs and prepared for bed, and Remus watched Sirius out of the corner of his eye. He thought the boy seemed to have the face of someone much older; Someone who had seen more. Perhaps that was why they got along well, he thought. He couldn't stop a voice, emerging from the back of his mind, asserting that if Sirius knew what he _really_ was, that would all change.

After they all said their goodnights and drifted off to sleep, Sirius let an easy grin wash over his face. He might not be accepted by his family, he thought, but he at least was making a family of his own here, and that was all he really needed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

The First semester flew by, a blur of classes, new friends, Quidditch games and endless corridors. It was only the week before Christmas break, and yet James and Sirius had still managed to already earn 5 detentions each. Remus, thankfully, had been careful to avoid such shenanigans, being mindful of the necessity of not drawing extra attention to himself.

He was furthermore thankful that he had managed to elude his new friends fairly easily once a month, providing various excuses offhandedly that seemed to be met with easy acceptance. Their fourth roommate, Peter, had also helped. The boy had begun frequenting the same spots as the other three, and was gradually becoming a part of their group.

So far, at least, Remus was safe.

It was the final breakfast before the train ride home, and Remus and James sat down across from each other in the dining hall. Remus was attempting to finish his library book before it needed to be returned, as Madam Pince had not yet grown so trusting of this new boy as to allow him to bring a book home over the holiday break. James was playing with his food, excitedly listing off his family's extravagant plans for the New Year.

"And THEN we're going to take the train all the way to Germany! I'm positively itching to-" He was interrupted by the sound of Sirius throwing his rucksack down onto the table with a thud. The boy had been in a dark mood for the past week, and it had only grown worse. Remus had his suspicions that Sirius was probably just dreading seeing that awful family of his for an entire two weeks.

"Morning Siri, sleep well?" Remus asked gently, eyes still half-trained on his book.

"Not particularly," He muttered. "You both better make certain to write to me over break, I think I'll go crazy if you don't…"

"Of course!" They both affirmed. The table grew quiet as Sirius glowered, looking down. James and Remus met eyes and both frowned, unsure of what to say.

"…Well, how about you?" James questioned, turning to Remus. "Any plans for vacation?" At that, Sirius looked up to Remus as well, who felt a slight blush creep up his neck.

"No, not really." He answered, then directly looked back down at his book, though he didn't continue to read. The full moon would fall on the day before Christmas this year, which didn't exactly lend itself well to exciting plans. He mentally chastised himself; No need to spend a minute longer thinking about the moon, than he absolutely had to.

As the boys all lumbered off the train, they were each greeted by their respective families. Peter was dragged away by his mother soon after he hopped off the stairs, waving goodbye to his friends as he went. James walked a few paces forward and was met with an embrace from a tall man with glasses just like his own. Sirius and Remus stood uncertainly as the woman standing next to him smiled at the two boys.

"Hello, I'm Edith. James's mother. He's told me so much about you two!" She bubbled enthusiastically. Remus smiled and nodded at the woman. The tall glasses man was about to introduce himself to Remus. Sirius continued to look past the group. As Remus turned to Sirius and followed his gaze, it became apparent why.

A tall woman with icy blonde hair and piercing grey eyes stormed towards the curly haired boy, painted lips pursed together tightly, in a way that quite reminded Remus of the howler his friend had received earlier on in the year. She had dark, elegant clothing, and was trailed by an old-looking house elf.

She slowed to a halt just beside Sirius and looked down coldly.

"Come, Sirius, your father is waiting at home to speak with you."

She briefly glanced at Edith Potter, who returned the stare, all hint of a smile vanished from her face.

"Walburga," Edith nodded, looking uncomfortable.

"Hello, _Edith_ …" Walburga returned, openly looking the other woman up and down before smirking.

"And how is your husband's _muggle_ studies initiative coming along? One could imagine him having difficulty acquiring proper public…support…" She hissed. "…for such affairs."

She smiled coldly, knowing she had hit a nerve. Edith, shocked, just gaped. Walburga turned on her heel and left before there was time for a retort.

Sirius, eyes wide and glowering, looked apologetically at Edith and his friends, and then glanced back at his retreating mother.

"I'm really sorry, Mrs. Potter. I have to go. I'll write you both!" He smiled, though his eyes were cold and dark, and turned.

And with that, the stormy-eyed boy disappeared into the crowd.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Alone

 **Dear Remus,**

 **You wouldn't believe how dull it is here without you blokes. My mother's really been a fright, honestly. And Father isn't much better. They're really taking the whole Gryffindor thing poorly, Rem. But that isn't the hardest part for me. I just can't stand some of the things they say…especially about wizards who aren't pureblood.**

 **It feels different than it did before. When I was younger, I mean. I never understood it, but now that I'm older and know lots of half-bloods and muggle borns, I can hardly hold my tongue! It's not okay to just say someone is BAD because of who they are…it just isn't!**

 **Anyways, I'm itching to get back to school.**

 **How are your holidays? I wish you were here, I don't like being home. I just wind up alone the whole time, my younger brother isn't exactly a blast.**

 **Sirius**

 **P.S. James's bloody owl is lost! Leave it to him…anyway, he just wanted me to pass it along as he (obviously) can't tell you himself. I ended up running into him at Diagon Alley and asked why he wasn't responding. Hopefully it'll make it's way home soon, but in the meantime, we're just going to have to survive without his unparalleled wit! (ha ha)**

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _I truly am sorry to hear of the relative dullness of your days, and regret to inform you that mine are similarly dull. It's slow out here as well, I'm afraid…I live in the country as you know, and beyond re-reading the same 12 books and going in the woods, there isn't much to do here, either._

 _But I'm still managing to enjoy myself, and stay out of trouble. Whether I can say the same for you, however, remains to be seen! (ha ha)_

 _Sorry about your family, Siri. I've seen how it affects you and I wish that I could somehow make it go away. But just stay strong, you know who you are and so their opinions have no bearing on how you need to live your life._

 _Sounds like James, alright._

 _See you soon!_

 _Remus_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: April Showers

If there was one thing Remus Lupin enjoyed, it was some peace and quiet. He had not experienced much of either since he started attending school, and as Winter faded into Spring, his normally rambunctious friends became even more intent on "disturbing the peace". Scarves were replaced by umbrellas, and the abundance of mud puddles around the grounds inevitably led to some very loud, very messy, pranks, of which Remus often found himself entangled in.

"Come on, Remus! Please?!" Sirius begged animatedly as the two strode down the hall towards the Defense classroom.

They had grown even closer over the past winter. Sirius had finally found someone with enough maturity to handle his unfiltered fears and stories of his family, and Remus loved to listen. He had never had a secret to keep before that was not his own. Sirius and James were best mates, unquestioningly, but Sirius was able to be softer around Remus: He didn't need to minimize the emotional pain he went through.

"Absolutely not!" Remus hissed, though a small smile made itself known on his face. "I've somehow managed to hang around you lot all year without incurring a single detention, and I intend to maintain my pristine record, thank you very much!"

"Oh, come on, Remmie," Sirius whined. "Just one little confundus charm?"

He did his best version of puppy-dog eyes. Sirius was barely fourteen, but he had the charm of an older boy already. It was no secret that most girls (and some of the boys) of Hogwarts were sweet on Black.

"Nice try, Sirius. Your famous charms have not quite managed to convince me, however." Remus rolled his eyes and chuckled quietly to himself, entering the classroom and placing his textbooks down on the table.

"Oh, fine!" Sirius fake-pouted, following suit and taking a seat right next to his tawny-haired friend.

Their conversation came to a halt as a sallow-skinned boy with long hair, a similar length to Sirius's, but far straighter, marched up to their table.

"Black…" He growled dangerously, clearly furious with the boy. "How dare you tamper with my cauldron?!"

Sirius stared the other boy head on. Remus recognized the new boy, but couldn't put a name to the face. He could tell from the insignia on his robes that he belonged to Slytherin house. Going on the information provided to him thus far, Remus had a sinking feeling that this boy was simply the victim of Sirius's latest prank.

"I haven't a clue what you're talking about, Snape dearest." Sirius deadpanned, staring straight back at the boy, eyes equally piercing.

"Oh, surely," The boy bit back mockingly.

He then turned to glance at Remus, looking the boy up and down. "Who's this your hanging around, Black? Another one of your blood traitor friends?"

Sirius bristled at the phrase, and Remus reached out and stopped him as he saw Sirius's hand twitch for his wand.

" _Relax._ " Remus hissed. "It isn't worth it."

"Glad your little friend's here to keep you from doing something you might…regret." Snape drawled, before turning on his heel and beelining for his seat.

"What was that about?!" Remus questioned as soon as Snape was out of earshot. He felt slightly uncomfortable with this new boy's language, but was quite used to brushing similarly off-color comments aside. Sirius smirked and looked bitterly over to where the boy sat down across the classroom.

"Just a typical Slytherin who can't handle being cut down to size a little, that's all," He muttered. It was no secret that the tension between the eldest Black son and his family had begun to express itself as a full-blown vendetta against the Slytherin house.

"Well, he seems like a real catch." Remus said, catching his friend's eye and winking. He then returned his focus to the professor beginning to speak at the front of the classroom.

Sirius stared at his friend for a moment longer, eyes unreadable, and then went back to preparing his own notes. He was struck by the thought that Remus's eyes were a peculiar shade of gold, with amber-yellow flecks. But it was odd to stare at your friends eyes, and Sirius couldn't afford to be any more odd than he already was. He tried to focus on the droning of their ancient professor, and tune out any further thoughts of his strange, thin friend.

* * *

"I can feel it in the air!" James dramatically bellowed, gesturing grandly out at the hills surrounding the grounds as the four boys made their way down the path. The sun was peeking out behind clouds that had been pouring just a few minutes ago. Birdsong echoed over the fields as the smell of wet grass pervaded the air.

"The world is waking up once again!" He skipped and did a twirl, nearly whacking Peter in the head in the process.

"Hey! Be careful!"

"What can I say, I'm just too enthralled by Spring! I can't help it!"

"Alright, Shakespeare," Remus joked.

"Who?" Sirius asked, looking back towards his friend with a blank expression. James and Peter looked similarly confused, and Remus exasperatedly rolled his eyes.

"Come on!" He gestured. "William Shakespeare? Only one of the most highly regarded Muggle playwrights and poets of all time? His plays and sonnets are incredibly significant, culturally speaking, and-"

"Alright Remus, I think if you use any more big words, my brain might spontaneously combust" Sirius chortled, clearly satisfied with himself for finding some equally large words to draw on.

"Oh, whatever!"

The four boys all laughed as they continued down the dirt path towards Hagrid's hut. Remus had known the gamekeeper since his very first night at the castle- He was one of the select few staff members informed of his condition, and the large man had taken to having Remus over for tea quite often. The two felt a kind of kinship in their mutual struggle to fit in with the rest of the magical world. As for James, Sirius and Peter, any man with an abundance of secret pets, was a man they wanted to get to know.

"Hagrid!" Sirius bellowed as he knocked on the large wooden door. It promptly swung open and they were greeted by a large, bearded man with long, frizzy dark hair and a huge grin.

"Come on in, you lot! 'less you'd rather stay out there, o' course!"

The four boys gratefully stepped into the giant's shack, shaking off the excess rain as they stepped over the threshold. Hagrid dutifully went over to the kitchen and put on a kettle for tea. Remus took care to thoroughly wipe off his boots before stepping further into the small cottage, and sat at the end of the table, next to James.

"And miss out on a prime opportunity to visit our favorite Groundskeeper? Oi, we're not _that_ mad!"

"Hey, isn't he our _only_ Groundskeep-" Peter started, but Sirius nudged him before he could finish his thought.

"Anyway, I wanted to run something by you Hagrid." James continued. Sirius and Remus glanced at each other, then James, in interest.

"An' what would that be?" Hagrid asked, suspicion growing in his eyes.

"Well, just- hypothetically speaking of course, if one were to interfere with the schools' Owl delivery system…" James' colorful speech faded into the background as Remus winced, and attempted to be subtle as he hunched over slightly. A full moon was approaching in a mere four days, and he was beginning to feel the pull. It hit him in waves, and it's symptoms were varied, but always immediately recognizable. This did not go unnoticed by Sirius, however, who leaned toward Remus and frowned.

"You alright, Rem? You look a bit pale." He whispered, careful to not distract from the other conversation occurring around them.

Sirius watched. He watched people, situations, and things, and he had learned long ago, watching Remus, that the boy didn't like any extra attention.

Remus peered up slowly at his friend and, faking a smile, chuckled nervously and said "Yeah, fine."

Sirius nodded and averted his gaze, but remained mentally fixated on his clearly _not_ fine friend. Remus's often strange behaviors, his disappearing for a few days here and there, had not gone unnoticed by the other boys.

Their knowledge of his personality dissuaded them from any kind of confrontation, however, and so Sirius said nothing. Remus was not exactly an open book, and it was too soon to try and pry him open. Admittedly, he often found his mind drifting towards his friend. Remus was a very careful person- it was one of the many traits Sirius admired in him. Remus had a sort of quiet strength, an under exaggerated restraint, that Sirius only wished he could emulate.

It made him wonder just how much Remus kept concealed from them all. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of James' fist slamming on the table in emphasis.

"…Anyway, _that's_ why it's critical I gain access to the schools' mail delivery codes! Do you think Dumbledore will take my word on it?" James finished, his voice triumphant.

"…Hate to say it, but I reckon Dumbledore 'll be wanting a little more evidence 'an that…" Hagrid smiled. He had a soft spot for those four boys, but that didn't minimize just how insane some of their schemes were.

The sound of rain thickened as the drops thundered down Hagrid's thatched roof. Sirius sighed and peered out the window. The newly greening countryside reflected a darker, cooler tinge on these rainy spring days. It filled him with a vague melancholy, some distant, soft feeling of sadness.

Still, he had his friends, and his school. Even with a summer at his family home looming on the horizon, he knew that in spite of it all, the things he _did_ have, were enough.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: A Not-So-Ideal Goodbye

Sirius trudged up the stairs to the dorm room and up to his bed, eyeing the general area for any last minute additions to his luggage. He knew he needn't have put it off for so long, but it was in his nature.

"The year's gone by so fast, hasn't it." A soft voice remarked, causing Sirius to jump and turn around quickly.

He found Remus sitting on his bed, legs folded, looking over his latest novel. It was something about astronomy, but Sirius couldn't remember what. His light hair hung slightly in his eyes, and he smiled at Sirius's startled expression.

"Oh, sorry Rem. You kinda startled me there. You're quiet".

"Well, I'll just have to try and read a little more loudly next time." He replied with a grin. Sirius smiled back and sighed, sitting down across from Remus.

"It's going to be a long two months."

"Yes, it will be. But James did say we could come and visit, so hopefully we will see each other at least once," Remus said encouragingly, though each boy, for their own reason, doubted they'd be allowed to go.

"You're right. Look at me, being so s _erious-"_

"Come on mate, I think that pun may have outlived its' useful life by now, don't you?"

"Fair enough" Sirius conceded. He paused and just looked into Remus's eyes for a moment, trying to read into them, infer _something_ , anything about the quiet, almost imperceptible tension that had grown between them all. Neither was upset with the other, per se, but it had become more and more apparent to the three that Remus was not exactly jumping to "let them in", so to speak.

It had seemed to James as though Remus was frequently ill, and one had to admit that the boy's frequent, almost scheduled absences were a bit odd. Peter agreed with James, that it was probably just some illness. The one thing that truly had Sirius shaken, however, was the conspicuous presence of scars, all over Remus's body. He was quite careful with what he wore, always having long sleeves and covering his forehead with his bangs, but sharing a room meant inevitable moments of exposure in between changing shirts, or the rare instance when Remus came out of the bath when someone else was upstairs too.

"What…?" Remus asked curiously, not breaking Sirius's gaze.

His eyes flicked back up to Remus's forehead, and he saw the scar. The reason, he assumed, that the boy never bothered to swipe his hair out of his eyes.

He looked back down, staring once again into Remus's eyes.

"I don't know why you hide it." He spoke impulsively, before he could stop himself.

A beat. Silence.

"What?" Remus managed, eyes widening for a moment before his face lost all emotion once again.

"That…scar. I just don't know why you think you need hide things from me. From us."

Silence pervaded the room, and both boys dropped their gaze. Before either had the chance to break the tension with words, James's voice filled the stairwell.

"Hellloooo! My dearest friends!" James hooted in a ridiculous voice.

He strode up the stairs, two at a time, and then stomped grandly as he ascended to the highest step. Looking up, the discomfort that he had entered on became immediately apparent as both of his friends looked away.

"So… what's up?"

Both of his friends shrugged. Remus quietly got up and quickly collected his things, walking directly out of the dorm and down the stairs.

"What the bloody hell was that all about?" James quipped, cocking his head at Sirius, who was still frozen in the same position as when James first entered.

He sighed, and looked up at James. He immediately regretted bringing it up. He doubted his actions, questioning whether knowing the truth was really worth upsetting- and potentially distancing- one of his best friends from him.

"I think I pushed it too far. Him, I mean."

"What _do_ you mean?"

"Exactly that. Lately, it's been _different_ , James. And I _know_ that you know what I mean by that. There's obviously something he hasn't been telling us, and it's frankly been driving me mad. Friends are supposed to tell each other things. Everything, or at least most of it. And whatever this is, is obviously huge…but, yeah. I think I just might have freaked him out. I kind of…" He paused, looking away.

He steadied himself and focused on finishing his thought.

"I kind of brought up one of his scars." He looked up and defensively added, "I just told him that he didn't need to hide anything from us! How was I supposed to know that would be a problem?"

"Be a problem?!" James asked, rubbing his forehead and clearly irritated. He wondered how Sirius could be so careless with something that had both already agreed not to bring up.

"Of course that might upset him! We don't know _how_ he got those, Sirius! It could be something…you know, _bad_. Or personal. Regardless, did you really need to have that conversation _now_? We're all about to be in a small, enclosed space for a hours-long train ride home, and you decide the time to breach this touchy subject is _now_?!"

Both boys seethed in silence for a moment or two, before Sirius angrily ran a hand through his hair before throwing up his hands.

"I messed up, okay?! Sorry."

James mirrored Sirius's motion, causing his hair to somehow become more messy, and sighed.

"It's…okay. It's fine. This is just going to be an awkward ride home." He said, pushing up his glasses.

And indeed it was.

The ride back was largely spent in either small talk, or resigned silence. Remus had his nose absolutely buried in his astronomy book, carefully avoiding any eye contact, and keeping his answers short. The boy seemed strangely calm, which may have simply been an act. With Remus, it was hard to tell.

James and Sirius occasionally sought to fill the quiet with mindless chatter, but after many failed attempts, ended up just gazing out the window at the landscape passing by.

Peter was, characteristically, blissfully unaware of the tension filling their cabin.

Minutes creeped into hours, and eventually the train began to slowly decelerate, grinding to a halt as they finally reached the platform. The boys all rose to their feet uncertainly, feeling simultaneously distanced, and in need of reconciliation before this long stretch apart. James, ever the ice-breaker, sighed and smiled at his three friends.

"Well, we all need to promise that we will write to each other. _All_ of us." He emphasized, looking first at Remus, and then Sirius.

Remus just nodded, and Sirius followed suit.

"Of course! Just make sure you don't get that bird lost again, James," remarked Peter. They laughed, and Remus actually managed a small smile. Bag in hand, he began to move towards the compartment door before stopping at the frame, and turning.

"I'll see you guys soon. Have a good summer." He says quietly, before glancing quickly at Sirius, the floor, and then, out the door, walking down the hall to meet his parents.

Sirius scowled and looked down at the floor.

 _Great,_ he thought. _A rotten last conversation with Remus, and it's all downhill from here._

He sighed and tightened his grip on his things, and walked warily out of the train, and towards the people he least wanted to see.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Summertime

Remus sighed, stretching back onto the bed below him, as the record player began to spin. It started slowly at first, then rapidly, eventually filling his small room with the soothing sounds of strings and piano. This particular song had a lazy beginning, and Remus loved it. He had long admired jazz music for it's ephemeral quality; It stirred something unnamable in the soul, something that resides at the juncture between joy and sadness.

 _"_ _Summertime… and the livin' is easy…"_

Ella Fitzgerald was greatly admired in the Lupin household, and it was not uncommon for her soft, low voice to fill the small cottage in which they resided. Though Remus's mother was French, the majority of her favorite singers were surprisingly from America.

 _"_ _Fish are jumpin'… and the cotton is high…"_

Before Remus had any more time to get lost in his musically-induced reverie, the sound of his Father downstairs roused him.

"Remus! Come down here, would you please?"

"Coming Dad!" Remus quickly replied. He had a feeling he already knew what this discussion would be centered around. He had only been home all of two and a half weeks, but it was once again approaching a Full Moon, and it had been quite some time since he had transformed at his own house.

He quickly raised the needle on the record player, halting the music. Pulling on a sweater, he quickly hopped down the stairs and met his waiting parents in the kitchen.

"Good morning sweetheart, comment vas-tu? Breakfast is almost ready."

"Je vais bien, merci". He replied, smiling at his Mother.

He pulled out a chair and sat down next to his father, who began to fold up his newspaper and look at his son.

"So, tell us more about your school year. It went well? All of the classes, and friends? And…the other things you deal with?"

Remus could tell his father was trying, and failing, to be delicate. He often attempted to be subtle about bringing up his transformations, but Remus really didn't mind. It's not like he could hide it from them; They had already seen it all- him, at his absolute worst, bruised and bloodied.

"Yes, it was all fine…even that last part."

"Really? And they were able to do it safely there?"

"Yes," he assured. "It really was fine. And, I'm sure it will be fine here, too, Dad." He said, smiling.

"Alright. Well, we just wanted to let you know that we had the basement re-done. So there shouldn't be anything to worry about in that regard." His Father said nervously.

"Well, that's good." Remus responded politely. Even in their own house, Remus and his father sometimes spoke with the formality of strangers. Emelie Lupin found this habit of her husband and son to be odd, but endearing.

"Here you go sweetheart. Let's not worry about that too much now, yes? You still have lots of time to enjoy before you need fret over that." She said while handing him a large mug of his favorite tea.

"I suppose you're right" he muttered into the cup. He gazed out of the window and the rolling hills beyond it. Scotland was truly stunning in the summer, and he had to admit that seeing his home again in this way made him feel sentimental.

John continued reading the paper, stopping briefly to gently touch his wife's arm, pick up her hand and place a small kiss on it, causing her to blush and smile. Remus rolled his eyes and turned away, but couldn't stop a small smile from appearing on his face, too. He found his parents to be endlessly endearing.

Yes, Remus was always a bit of a soft, romantic type, which he largely attributed to his early exposure to romantic literature, specifically The Sonnets. Although, perhaps just being born to two individuals like his parents had lent itself to such dispositions.

After finishing his tea and toast, he brought his dishes to the sink, quickly washed them, and proceeded out of the kitchen and back upstairs.

Upon reentering his room, he opened the long window and gazed outside, allowing the fresh breeze to waft through and around him.

Not even thirty seconds later, a piercing cry carried through the air and into his room. Remus jerked his head up in surprise. A large brown owl was flying closer and closer. As it drew nearer, it seemed to Remus's eye to be James's owl; Upon closer inspection, his suspicion was confirmed.

The creature finally landed on the edge of the window pane, letter in beak, looking beseechingly at Remus. He smiled at the bird and, after briefly stroking it's head, gently took the parchment out of it's mouth. The bird looked at him for another moment and, sensing it's job had been done, took off again in flight, ascending rapidly over the trees surrounding the property and into clear skies.

Remus sighed and looked down at the letter from his friend. He had to admit, in spite of himself, he truly did miss his friends and couldn't help but notice the _lack_ of letters up to this point.

Grinning sheepishly, he brought the letter with him down the stairs and into the mudroom, where he slid on his pair of worn sandals before leisurely pacing out the door. He wanted to be alone, to go somewhere he could think, before he opened this letter.

He walked down the driveway about 20 paces until it diverged into the main road, and a smaller path. He veered left onto the path and followed it down the sloping hill, towards a rushing stream tucked away between rows of trees. This is where he went to think. This place, these trees, were always there for him, even and especially when humans could not be.

Sitting down on a large rock protruding from the earth, he carefully opened the letter and read it.

 **Dear Remus,**

 **I told you I would write! Sorry it took a little while- Mum and Dad weren't exactly eager to let me use the owl after the whole incident over break- well, no need to open that old can of worms! Anyhoo!**

 **I've been having a blast myself so far. Spending tons of time outside, and I've been practicing my flying like you wouldn't believe- I'm certain they'll recruit me for the team next year, they have to!**

 **I hope you've managed to stop reading long enough to get a little fresh air and sunlight.**

 **Listen, I'm sorry that our last day all together was a little off. I think we all just got a little stressed and worked up, but what's the use in getting caught up on misunderstandings?**

 **On that note, Remus, you should really write to Sirius. I know he probably hasn't owled you yet, but it's not that he doesn't want to talk to you, you just know how he gets. Besides, I can only imagine what kind of time he's having there with…well, you know.**

 **Anyway, just owl him first. You two need to make up before I have you all over, or it will be** ** _weird_** **!**

 **Yours most truly,**

 **James Potter**

 **P.S. Write back!**

By the time Remus had finished the letter, he couldn't help but grin from ear to ear. In spite of all of his complicated feelings, and the time that had passed, he truly did have some great friends.

He paused, placing the letter on his lap and turning towards the small stream, that had continued to trickle along throughout his letter-reading. It was so effortless, the way water flowed down the concave of rock and pebbles, to lower ground. How unlike Remus, who would never be safe enough to stop his efforts.

He knew James had a point- perhaps it was silly of him to not be willing to reach out first. Besides, he reasoned, given his situation, friends were hard to come by.

He hurried back inside to draft his reply.

 _Dear James,_

 _I am most pleased to hear that your parents have found it in their hearts to move past the "Bird Incident". Forgive and forget, I say!_

 _Flying is great and all, but do be careful up there- we may be wizards, but we aren't invincible._

 _You'll be proud to discover that I have, in fact, spent_ _lots_ _of time outside, thank you very much. I was just outside, as a matter of fact, sitting on a rock: A real, genuine, rock!_

 _I'm sorry about that day too. I just kind of had an odd start to it, is all. Nothing worth going into._

 _I'm not mad at Sirius. I'm even going to write to him, right after I send this off to you. And yes, I do know how he gets. But I suppose right now he'll be having a reason to be feeling that way._

 _Have you heard from him at all?_

 _I'm unsure as of yet whether or not my parents will allow me to visit you…I'll work on them, mind you, but no promises! They mean well but they can be a little strict._

 _Truly,_

 _Remus_

 _PS. Of course I would write back!_

Remus smiled and started for the door, about to call for his own family owl when he realized there was someone else he still needed to write to.

Begrudgingly sitting back down at his desk, he tore off a new section of parchment and placed it squarely in front of him.

His heart felt slightly dense- he felt guilty. He had let almost a month go by and didn't bother reaching out to his friend over some tiny falling out. Sure, the subject matter was touchy, but how could Sirius have known that?

He sat there like that, for some time, until finally he focused his mind, and the words began flowing out of the tip of his quill.

 _Sirius,_

 _Hi. How has your summer been going thus far? I haven't heard from you and would like to know that all is well. I personally have been taking it as an opportunity to read (I know, Boring) and also listen to some really classic records (less boring, perhaps?)._

 _I hope your family isn't being too hard on you. Just remember- no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. A really brilliant muggle once said that, and a lady at that! Talk about something that'd really blow your Mother's mind! (Ha ha)_

 _In all seriousness (puns aside), I'm sorry we didn't end on a good note at the end of the year. I suppose I may have slightly overreacted, but you must understand that there are some things I just don't talk about with people. And it's nothing personal. I wish I could say more._

 _There's going to be a beautiful meteor shower soon… it's happening on June 22nd! If you mind to, take a look at the stars that night. You are named after one, after all._

 _Your truly,_

 _Remus_

 _P.S….write back._

Finally rising from his seat, he fetched his owl and fed two envelopes into it's talons.

* * *

"Masters Orion and Walburga request the presence of Master Black in the living area." Kreacher, the family's aging house elf, grumbled in a tone that made little effort to conceal his loathing of the boy.

Sirius looked up wearily from his bed.

"Did they say why? It's 9 PM, for Merlin's sake…"

"No, sirs."

Sirius rolled his eyes and slowly made his way down the stairwell. Given that his last few weeks had been filled with little more than passive aggressive glares, and outright verbal outbursts, his summoning to a common area did not inspire confidence.

He eventually arrived in the living room, a large, high-ceiling space decorated with old family heirlooms. For a room with so many windows, the space felt incredibly dark to the boy.

Upon entering, he saw his Mother sitting, facing him on the parlor couch.

She and Sirius had been fighting since he was born; They never saw eye to eye, and with each passing year, Sirius became more comfortable defending himself, and his mother grew colder. Orion Black was turned towards the fireplace, back facing him. His Mother smiled with her lips, but nothing else, as his Father slowly turned around.

"Sirius."

"…Yes?" He said glumly. His Mother immediately scowled at the audible anger the boy was conveying.

"You would do well to address your Father in a more respectful tone," She said, crossing her arms in her lap.

Orion slowly stepped forward, closer to his son, before clasping his hands together and stopping.

"Well, Sirius," he began. "We're going to be hosting some guests here in the near future. And as such, we thought it wise we speak to you beforehand. Do you know why that is, Sirius?"

Sirius looked straight through the man, making no acknowledgment of his Father's words. Orion arched an eyebrow and frowned.

"Well?" He spat out.

After the silence continued, he took one large stride forward, raised his hand and slapped Sirius squarely across the cheek with surprising force. The boy toppled backwards and tripped over the carpet, falling down on his side.

The room remained silent as he willed himself not to cry; No, not even to feel.

"Perhaps that makes things clearer. Do you understand that your misbehavior will not be tolerated, under any circumstances? You will not embarrass us any further."

Sirius looked up, and, in self preservation, simply nodded. "Yes." He said quietly, his eyes giving a different answer entirely.

And with that, he regained his balance enough to slowly rise to his feet, and then turned quickly and made his way up the stairs. As he swung open the door, his face stung. He sat down on the bed and allowed a few tears to escape, before taking a breath and clamping down on the overwhelming feelings.

Noticing a slight breeze, he turned and was quite shocked to see Remus's owl settling on his window pane, having pried the window partially open. Getting up, he approached the grey bird and slid open the window fully, and allowed the letter to drop into his hand.

The bird quickly turned itself around and leaped off, beginning to stretch out long feathery wings into the clear, silent sky.

He smiled at the sight of his name written on the envelope in Remus's familiar scrawl. So intent on being small, and careful, just like him. He opened the envelope, mindful not to damage it, and unfurled the letter.

Somewhere, out in the darkness, an owl cried out, soaring below a crescent moon.

In a room, on the top floor of a large house, a boy held a piece of parchment close to his chest as tears poured down his face, heart feeling torn open. Remus always knew what to say, even when he wasn't here.

He slowly sat up and paused, looking back down at the letter.

 _June 22nd… is tonight._ He realized. Quickly getting up, he pulled out his wand and cast a binding spell on his bedroom door. Looking first at the open window, he then turned to his closet and retrieved his broomstick. Being careful not to make a sound, he slipped through the window, broom in hand, and glided out, flying up and over all of the tall buildings.

He made his way confidently, knowing the path to this particular destination well. Continuing forward and past the edges of the buildings, he began flying over a wooded area, before slowly lowering down and stopping some 20 metres above an elevated clearing. Mostly a wide open field, with a few tall maples scattered here or there. He continued to lower and touched down just past a low-lying fence, that he imagined had once been used for cattle.

He dismounted the broom and slowly paced forward, stopping to sit in the middle of the clearing. Lying back, into the grass, he gazed upwards and smiled. The sky was deep, pulsating indigo, speckled with more stars than one could see from the city. It was here that he felt peaceful. It didn't take long before the first brilliant streak of light bolted across the sky, lighting up the darkness for a moment. Sirius gaped upwards, watching as meteor after meteor streamed across the dark canvas of night.

 _He was right about the shower, of course._ He thought to himself. _As per usual._

He sighed and looked around, observing his surroundings, before gazing back upwards.

 _What could he mean when he says that he wishes he could say more?_ Sirius's mind began churning once again, he couldn't help it.

 _Why doesn't he do just that? Say more?_ As frustrating as Sirius found not being told what was going on, he couldn't manage to be upset with Remus.

If he were being honest with himself, he might admit that the letter was the only thing keeping him from going over the edge in that moment.

Looking up at the Big Dipper, Sirius wondered if Remus was watching the same stars, too.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Correspondences

 ** _Dear Remus,_**

 ** _Thank you for your letter. I know this sounds silly, but it kind of came at a time when I really needed it. So thanks._**

 ** _Books are slightly boring, yes, but records are not, so you've managed to keep it balanced out. I wouldn't say all is well here, but I'm surviving. Things are rough, and they've gotten worse- we can leave it at that. I only have a few weeks left here anyway._**

 ** _That muggle lady really had it all figured out, huh?_**

 ** _No,_** ** _I'm_** ** _sorry Remus. I shouldn't have pushed it. I just care about you. And we can't help but worry about you, yeah?_**

 ** _What I tried (and failed) to say was just that you really can trust me, Remus. You can tell me anything. I've always been able to tell you that much, and I want you to know that you don't need to go through things alone. I'm sorry if I messed up the delivery._**

 ** _I actually managed to catch the meteor shower- thanks for the tip. It was beautiful._**

 ** _Sincerely,_**

 ** _Sirius_**

 ** _P.S. James just owled me asking if I wanted to come to some end-of-summer party his parents are having- are you going?_**

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _I'm relieved to hear that my letter found you well there._

 _I would say I'm glad you're "surviving", but the general tone of your letter makes me worry about you. It sounds like your handling it all as well as anyone could, though, so just hang in there._

 _Let's just both stop being sorry- it seems like the universal solution._

 _I do know that I can tell you anything, and I do trust you. It's not like that. And your delivery is fine. It's just some things, I ought to keep to myself; Some things are meant to be faced alone._

 _All of my Astronomy note-taking pays off!_

 _Yours truly,_

 _Remus_

 _P.S. The party on the 28th? Unfortunately, I already have something planned that night, otherwise I would be there. Have fun on my behalf._

 **Dear Remus,**

 **I must inform you that I am, indeed, invincible, and thusly, your previous statement does not in fact apply to myself.**

 **I am very proud of you for escaping your house here and there. It's good for the soul!**

 **I'm glad you two are okay. I've only heard from Sirius once, and he definitely was glad to have gotten an owl from you, too.**

 **Now, what's this he tells me about your bailing out on my end-of-summer gathering? Don't make me fly over there myself and drag you here!**

 **Sincerely,**

 **James**

 _Dear James,_

 _I just hope that your delusions of invincibility needn't be shattered by some tragic flying accident._

 _Yes, it is good for the soul indeed._

 _I"m sorry James…there's just this family commitment I have that evening, and I really mustn't miss it. I do hope you all have fun without me! Perhaps next time I can come._

 _See you in a few weeks!_

 _Remus_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Something Missing**

Sirius paced back and forth in the street in front of Grimmauld Place, waiting for the Potter's familiar car to pick him up, ideally before his parents changed their minds. He had pitched it as a good opportunity to keep himself far away from their guests, and out of his parent's house for an extra night or two, and they bought it.

Just as the boy began to get lost in his thoughts, the loud sputtering of an engine caused him to jump. As he turned towards the source of the noise, he was greeted with two familiar, similar faces grinning widely at him from the front of an old green buggie.

"We have come to rescue you, my prince!" James announced heroically.

"James! _Shhh!_ His parents might be able to hear you!" His Father hissed, though still smiling.

The vehicle pulled to a stop just in front of the curbside, and Sirius, beaming, threw his bag in the trunk and hopped into the back seat. James twisted his head back towards him and smiled.

"Bloody good to see you, mate."

"You as well," Sirius smiled back. "Hey Mr. Potter! Thanks for picking me up."

"Of course."

And with that, the car started up once again, skating down through side streets, and eventually beyond the city limits. Tall buildings and cobbled streets faded into grassy fields and the occasional house. The boys joked loudly the whole way there, occasionally shoving one another playfully across the seats.

"So, is Pete coming?" Sirius asked after the car had grown silent for some time, each boy gazing out at the passing landscape.

"Yeah, his Mum should be bringing him by sometime tomorrow." Sirius nodded at that and looked back out the window, resting his chin on his hand.

"Really is a shame about Remus not being able to come…" Sirius began. He looked pointedly over at James, who, sensing the boy's intonation, frowned slightly.

"Yeah…I know. But we can talk about that another time." James replied shortly.

Silence filled the car once again as James's father, sensing the discomfort, switched on the radio.

The three eventually arrived home, Sirius looked up and smiled at the Potter's large cabin. It was beautiful, but not in any sort of elegant way as Sirius was accustomed to.

Rather, the place had that distinct energy that made one feel as if they were in a home, and not just in a house. He followed the other two up the front steps, and in through the tall wooden door. Looking up and around, Sirius saw more pictures than he could count, framed and hung up like patchwork, all over the walls of the room.

Edith Potter quickly entered from the side kitchen at the sound of the boys' arrival. Her apron tied haphazardly around her waist, her brown hair was pulled back into a bun, and a speck of flour smudged on her nose.

"Sirius! So happy to have you, dear. Dinner is almost ready! Make yourself comfortable."

Mr. Potter went back out to the car to fetch the trunk, and the two boys rapidly ascended the stairs to James's room. Sirius kicked off his shoes and dropped down onto his friend's bed.

"Nice place you have here."

"Yeah, it's the family home. Kind of boring when it's just me, but I don't mind the room."

Sirius nodded and looked down. James observed Sirius's position on his bed, and followed suit, kicking off his shoes as well. He took a breath and exhaled, stretching out his arms above his head. After a few moments of silence, Sirius looked up at James.

"Do you think he's avoiding us?"

"Who, Remus?"

"Yes, Remus!" Sirius sighed dramatically, motioning with his hands. "I mean really, what are the odds that he has a family engagement, specifically tomorrow night, and knows about it a month ahead of time?"

"Well, it is definitely possible, mate…he does seem to duck out an awful lot, though," James conceded, slouching over, resting his chin on his hand.

"What are we going to do about it?"

"What do you mean? There's nothing _to_ do about it. If there's something going on, it's not like we can _force_ him to tell us. You know how he is…he never says more than he needs to."

With that, the two boys entered into silence again. Sirius got up and paced over to James's window, gazing outside.

"Well I've noticed something…but I'm not sure about it, you know?" He turned back towards James, looking suddenly younger, and uncharacteristically nervous.

"I've noticed how much he leaves too, mate. Who knows, maybe he just gets sick a lot or-"

"Every month?" Sirius interjects. "We're supposed to believe that once a month, on the dot, he just happens to get sick?" He sighed and turned away again, unable to meet his friends eyes before saying what he was about to continue with.

Silence.

"You know what tomorrow night is?"

"My party?"

Sirius gazed back at James over his shoulder.

"Yeah, it is your party. It's also a full moon."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Going Home**

James and Sirius were already waiting in the compartment when Remus paced in, Peter close behind. A broad smile grew on Remus's face as soon as he made eye contact with his friends. James and Sirius both returned the smile, and got up to meet him. James pulled the taller boy into a hug, and Sirius did the same, though both were noticeably awkward in their movements.

"How have you been? You must tell us all about your extravagant summer adventures!" James said, clapping Remus firmly on the shoulder, who flinched under the hard impact , his body still sore.

"I doubt they would qualify as extravagant, or even adventures, really," Remus chuckled. He felt Sirius staring at him and met his eyes before quickly looking down.

"We missed you the last few nights," Sirius said. His voice was light, but his grey eyes seemed darker than normal.

"Yeah," Remus supplied quickly. "Really a shame I wasn't able to make it. I'm sure you three had a good time, though. Tell me all about it!"

And so, once again, Remus had managed to smoothly divert any attention from himself, and Peter enthusiastically began with a dramatic recounting of fireworks and a family dinner. James chimed in at points with a smile, but Sirius remained seated rather still. His gaze rarely left Remus. His eyes, following the line of his jaw down his neck and towards his collarbone, observed a fresh scar originating below the hemline of the Remus's sweater.

James and Sirius had, after many hours of heated deliberation, reached a point of agreement: To ask Remus about their suspicions point-blank would be premature, at least this early on. They agreed to wait a few more months, and keep track of when Remus was missing from classes. If they were able to collect enough evidence, they reasoned, they could present Remus with a much stronger case when they did confront him.

And so, as the months passed, and Remus inevitably made a variety of excuses- from an ailing relative to an unexpected "commitment", James and Sirius would dutifully mark their small datebook, purchased for that very purpose. With each passing month, upon Remus's return, the boy's consistently frail and sickly state only served to confirm their suspicions.

By Halloween, they were almost certain.

By November, they knew the truth could not continue to be unspoken, as it had, for much longer.

And yet, in many ways, not much had changed at all. James and Sirius still strutted around the castle as if they owned it, and Remus still remained close behind, often supplying an occasional remark, begging them to be at least a little bit more contained. Peter still trailed after Sirius, laughing at his friends activities.

Some things never change.

In a blur of tests, jokes and teenaged antics, December was soon upon them all, the grounds covered in a fine white dust, the landscape and archaic castle truly a wintery dream. The entire school was filled with holiday cheer, and it seemed that nearly everyone was smiling, going about their days with increased enthusiasm.

Remus, however, did not share in this Christmas-related excitement; True to his luck, the Full moon would be falling on Christmas night that year, which was no great cause for celebration. Still, the boy could appreciate the general population's sentimentality for the holiday, and attempted to feign the same cheer.

Sirius was sitting on his bed that Thursday night when James trudged up the stairs loudly, swinging around the corner to meet his eyes as he stopped pointedly at the top step. His face was not broken into its usual, joking grin, but rather was frozen in a meaningful stare, searching Sirius's eyes briefly before looking downward.

"What is it?" He asked his friend, who clearly was waiting to be asked that very question.

"Well, I was in the library-" James paused, shooting a look at his friend before proceeding. "-yeah, it was _weird_ ,- well, anyway, I was reading a little about weapons. And I ended up getting to this section on defensive magical items..."

Sirius looked at his friend blankly. "Yes…? Does the story end there?"

James rolled his eyes and continued. "Well, I think there may be a way to bring it up with Remus. You know…his disappearances. A way that would make it really difficult for him to deny it…"

It was during breakfast in the great hall on December 14th, that Remus Lupin began to sense that something was going on. Specifically, something involving James and Sirius. Peter seemed to regard Remus in the same old affable nature as always, but the other two boys' actions conveyed a different story. Remus had noticed three separate instances, since the beginning of the month, of those two slipping away from him to go "talk somewhere". That was all they would supply each time, when Remus inquired as to why they always needed to depart so suddenly- ("Oh, just going to talk somewhere, Remmy.")

But it was that morning, at breakfast, that he truly began to sense something off. Remus was sitting there, sipping tea and nibbling on his toast over a Defense textbook when he instinctively raised his eyes up to see his two friends quickly walking over to the table. They sat down, James next to him and Sirius directly across. Unlike their usual selves, they were both distinctively quiet and still, not even muttering a greeting.

"So…good morning," Remus began, assuming they merely were expecting him to begin.

"Morning," James nodded back, before reaching into his rucksack and fiddling around inside, hand fishing for something in the large bag.

Sirius just looked into Remus's eyes, expression unreadable. The werewolf immediately began to tune into the clear tension that had suddenly infiltrated their interaction. Raising an eyebrow, he looked questioningly at Sirius, who quickly looked away, and then back at James, who at that very moment had finally stopped fishing around and began to pull two objects from his bag. The first was a datebook, which he promptly flipped open to the previous month.

The other item was covered with a purple cloth, and looked to be fairly round.

"What's that?" Remus asked curiously. Before James opened his mouth to answer, Remus's head shot down, suddenly distracted and overwhelmed by a sharp pain in his chest, a feverish feeling. He felt his forehead start to get clammy, and began to slouch slightly. Looking back up at James and Sirius, he was taken aback by their lack of reaction to, well… _his_ strange reaction. He glanced at the datebook and his eyes widened when he saw the last full moon circled in red ink.

The boy darted his eyes back to James's hand, and the cloth covering the second item was tossed onto the wooden table. An impeccably cleaned, almost glowing silver sphere sat on the table.. Remus's stomach knotted and his heart began to race; He knew what that was.

Before anyone had any chance to remark on anything, Remus shot up, muttered something about forgetting his notes, and bolted for the door. Heart beating nearly out of his chest as he sped down the halls, he could not stop his mind. It kept churning, questioning why James had the orb, or what he was playing at, taking it out for the whole goddamned school to see. His feet carried him faster than his mind could comprehend as he found himself not quite knowing where his body was carrying him, but just that it was _away_ , away from suspicious friends and silver werewolf repellents and grey, staring eyes.

He eventually found himself sitting on a bench, overlooking the grounds from the apex of the Astronomy tower. This was not the first time he had found himself here, but he had never before been so shaken, so distraught, as he was currently. His hands shook as he rubbed his eyes, hoping to somehow wash away the images that had been replaying in his mind, the cyclical thoughts that he found himself wound up and lost inside.

 _They know. I don't know how, but they know. They must._

The boy felt sick to his stomach as he began to breathe more quickly, all the while gripping his sweater in his knuckles, fists turning white, urging himself not to hyperventilate. He did not need to have a panic attack- not here, and not now, at least.

 _How did this happen?_ He chastised himself. _How did I let this happen? They must have seen through my excuses ages ago…but now what?!_

His mind once again was whirled away on the rollercoaster ride of his thoughts. He knew that they had to have figured out his "little secret"; He didn't know how they had discovered it, or how long they had known, but their recent interaction indicated that clearly. Feeling his heart sinking, tears welled up in his eyes as he reminded himself that the likelihood of his roommates allowing him to remain in their dorm- the likelihood of his being allowed to continue attending the school, even- was slim to none. Biting his bottom lip, he no longer could hold back tears that wanted to come.

 _Typical,_ He thought bitterly. The boy began to weep as he recounted the feeling that had washed over him his first day at Hogwarts; A foreboding sense that this was all far too good to last. Not for him, at least.

He was doomed to a life that would never allow him to be normal, and his choice to lie to himself in that regard was his own fault.

"Well… I think that answers our question, mate…" James uttered, barely above a whisper, as he and Sirius stared at Remus's rapidly retreating back. Peter looked up from his plate questioningly, but before he could open his mouth to inquire about the strange interaction, Sirius shot him a terrifying look. Turning briefly towards James, and then away, down to his empty plate, Sirius was overwhelmed.

"I just don't understand it…" he said, even more quietly than James. "We've been friends for all of a year now, and he just hides this from us?"

 _Does he not trust me?_ He silently added. James, at a loss for the right thing to say, shrugged and shook his head.

"I can only assume he's scared of how we might react… I mean, I personally think it's kind of cool… not saying something like that'd really make a difference. He _is_ our best mate, y'know." James rambled, studying Sirius's face.

Sirius, head still in a daze, managed to nod affirmatively at James.

"Of course," he said defensively. "Nothing could ever change that."

The boys had been close for over a year now, but Sirius still felt at points that he was sometimes regarded with a little extra skepticism; His family's reputation preceded him, he knew. But he had meant what he said; Nothing could ever change what he had with Remus. Not that he had "something" with him, he assured himself.

So what if his friend happened to get a little stronger and more…wild, once a month? He was still Remus. His lycanthropy was not the source of his brooding- no, Sirius was mentally entangled in the doubt, the questioning, of why Remus would hide something so huge, so pivotal to who he was. Clearly Sirius had underestimated just how little he knew of his friend, and that scared him.

Remus had spent much of the day up at the tower, attempting, and repeatedly failing, to regain some semblance of his composure. By the time he had ceased his shaking and quickened breathing, the winter sunlight was rapidly fading into dusk. The golden hour had washed over a frozen land, a fleeting moment of warmth. Breathing in shakily, he roused himself up from the bench, resigned to the facts. No matter how hard he tried, it would be impossible to avoid his friends forever.

That knowledge, however, was not able to cease his churning mind, being held down by feelings of failure. He had promised his Father he would be able to stay at school; That no one would have to know about him, and the way he was. He was supposed to go unnoticed, not cause any trouble, and he had failed. And what was more, he had just lost himself his first and last friends, ever.

He trudged slowly down the spiral staircase, winding downwards, head still reeling with questions and fears. This time, he reminded himself, the fears were not just some imaginary byproduct of an anxious mind. Taking his time stepping slowly down corridors and up stairwells, he began to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to encounter.

Apprehensively, he pushed open the common room door and was relieved to see that neither James nor Sirius were in the main area. The relief was short lived, however, as he deduced that the two were likely already upstairs in their room, waiting for him. Steadying himself on the pillar before the staircase up, he took a breath and walked slowly, but resolutely, up the staircase, and pushed open the door to their room, which had been left ajar, coming face to face with James and Sirius.

Sirius was sitting on his bed, and his head immediately snapped up at the sound of Remus's entrance. He smiled weakly, piecing grey eyes swimming with feeling. James was standing between the other two boys, and looked from Sirius to Remus.

"Would you care to take a seat?" Sirius said gently after some silence, though from his tone it was apparent that he was telling, and not asking. Remus shakily obliged and lowered himself onto the edge of his own bed, eyes cast downward. James shifted his weight back and forth a few times, before mirroring his other two friends and sitting down on his own bed, facing the other two. Remus suddenly found the pattern on the blankets to be quite interesting.

They all sat there in silence for a moment before Remus, unable to take the deafening quiet any longer, looked up and asked dejectedly:

"How long have you two known?" He was unable to stop another tear from rolling down his cheek at the final word.

"Well…strongly suspected, for a while. But we didn't _know_ until…" James trailed off. "Well, you know." He finished.

Remus nodded quickly. Inhaling sharply, he folded his arms across his chest and swallowed.

"Well, I expect you'll be wanting to request a roommate change soon, then." He attempted to feign calmness, but his voice trembled. James furrowed his brow and began to protest, but Remus continued. Sirius stared at Remus, stone faced, though his eyes were piercing his friend, beginning to become teary as well.

"-In fact, I will leave immediately, tomorrow even, as long as I have your assurance that no one else hears a word of what you know about me. Please, no one can know-"

"-So _that's_ what this comes down to, then?" Sirius suddenly interjected, causing the other two boys to jerk their heads towards him in surprise. His face began to lose it's composure, twisting into wounded anger.

"You really don't trust me at all, do you? You thought you needed to hide this from _me_ , right?!" He started, feeling the floodgates burst open as all of his doubting, his questioning, channeled itself into this moment. This moment of a boy, a boy who he had cared so much for, acting as if their friendship was so fickle that it would be lost over this.

" _Sirius-"_ James warned, sensing his friend's emotional spiral.

"- **No** , James, I'm not finished." Sirius snapped, turning back towards Remus.

"What, did you think a _Black_ like me couldn't handle it? Is that what you think of me, that I'd just ditch you and ruin your life over some _prejudice_? Yeah, sounds like _me_ alright-"

"- _Sirius!"_ James interrupted, glaring at his friend. Sirius, sensing he had gone too far, stopped himself and softened his tone before continuing.

"Now you listen to me Remus Lupin. We have been like a family since we first got here. And if there's one thing I've learned in the shitty start that was my childhood, it's that _good_ families love each other. And _good_ families don't hide who they are from one another, yeah? I've shared more with you guys than anybody- more than my parents and brother, that's for sure," he got up, voice beginning to tremble as well. He strode over to Remus, and sat down right beside him.

"So when I say that you are a part of this family, that means that you can't hide this sort of thing from me - **us.** " He amended. He looked over to James for help, clearly embarrassed at the emotional jumble of thoughts that he had just let slip, and out of an idea of what to say.

"He's right, Rem." James nodded softly, smiling encouragingly at both of his friends.

"And I'm sorry that I just got upset…I just care, a lot. And wish you didn't push us away over something like this." Sirius added. He sighed and put an arm around his friend, who was still petrified and unmoving, processing all that he had just heard. Sirius felt a twinge in his stomach as his friend shivered next to him. Eventually, Remus looked up at his two best friends, caring evident in their eyes, and managed a small smile, laughing bitterly.

"No, _I'm_ sorry… I feel as if I've ruined everything." He whispered.

"Don't think on it, Remus." Sirius whispered, pulling Remus into a tight hug. He breathed in his small friend's robe, scents of old books and, of course, chocolate, sunken into the fabric. James watched the two for a moment.

"Besides, you're not the only person sleeping in this dorm who turns into a _luna_ tic," James said, looking obviously towards Sirius. He ignored James's comment and looked at Remus, smiling like a child.

"We have more pressing matters to attend to, James!" Sirius smiled, never looking away from Remus.

"I think I've invented a new nickname for our lunar friend here…"

That night, Remus went to bed with a wide grin spread across his face, head swimming with disbelief and dreams.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Happy Birthday

It was March 14th at 10:45 AM, which meant that in precisely 2 days, 3 hours and 7 minutes, Remus Lupin would be 15 years old. And no, he would assure anyone who inquired, he was _not_ counting down the minutes until this _blessed_ day arrived.

The charmed electronic clock, hovering irritatingly over his head, however, was another case entirely.

Sirius and James had found the prospect of simultaneously pranking Remus _and_ commemorating his birthday to be too impossible to resist, and so, there he was, sitting in the dining hall, wishing he were invisible.

Remus heard them before he saw them, clamoring in.

"That clock really brings out your eyes, Moony," Sirius stage-whispered when they got closer.

"Smashing!" James agreed. Sirius laughed, sweeping dramatically down the aisle and throwing himself down next to his blushing friend. "So, how does it feel to be almost fifteen?" He asked. Even a sulking Remus couldn't help but smile at his bravado.

"Pretty similar to how it felt 13 minutes ago, actually," Remus replied cynically. At this point, he thought, he should really resign himself to these public displays of idiocy.

To his relief, any further teasing was cut short by a high-pitched "Remus!"

Lily Evans, Remus's desk mate and new favorite study partner ran up to the table excitedly, thin, tattered book in hand.

"Do you remember that missing volume of the potions textbook we were wondering about? Well-"

"Morning Evans!" James interjected cheerily, totally oblivious to the rudeness of cutting off the redhead. She cooly turned her head towards James, shot him a pointed look, and looked back at Remus.

"Well, _as I was saying_ \- I _found_ it. Would you like to review the same section again? I'm free next period."

Remus smiled and nodded, eyes totally fixated on the book. Sirius wondered why those two were treating this tattered textbook like some sacred artifact. More importantly, he reasoned, he was planning on asking Remus to go on a walk with him next period, so he was most certainly _not_ available to "review the section'…

"Well, as it so happens miss Lilyflower…" Sirius drawled, putting his hand on Remus's shoulder, "Remus was actually planning on going for a walk with _me_ quite soon, and so-"

"-No I wasn't?" Remus corrected, looking at Sirius questioningly.

"Well, as soon as I was going to ask you, you were _going_ to be planning on it!"

Lily rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Talking to him is too confusing. I'll see you in class later, and we can decide a time for the next study session then."

"Great!" Remus smiled. James turned sharply to Remus as soon as she was out of earshot and nudged his friend.

"You know _Lily Evans_?!"

"Well, yeah, James… she is in our year? And you definitely know her too, she's in our house…and you just used her full name."

"He's just jealous," Sirius clarified. "Thinks he actually has a shot. It's pathetic, really, but pathos _is_ a cornerstone of comedy, so-" At his last remark, James threw a piece of toast at Sirius's head, blushing furiously.

"Hey!" Sirius barked.

"Well, you _did_ kind of deserve it…besides, Lily was just trying to talk to me, Sirius," Remus argued.

James just shook his head, amazed that Remus could be so calm about Lily Evans trying to talk to him.

"Talking is fine, but _no_ interfering with Moony time, that's too _far_!" He winked playfully.

Remus wondered if it was possible to damage his eye muscles if he were to continue rolling them this frequently. James just stared at Sirius, embarrassment forgotten as he looked at his friend curiously.

Sirius, noticing the staring, looked quizzically at James, who just shrugged and returned his focus towards his food.

"Anyhoo, Moony, we've got to make you some birthday plans! I was thinking a common room party, we could decorate it however you wanted," Sirius started in, reminding Remus somewhat of an overexcited puppy.

" _And_ I was thinking, we could probably sneak in some Firewhiskey-"

"Absolutely _not_ , Sirius!" Remus chastised. "You can't just 'acquire' a substance, _very much illegally_ , I might add, and sneak it into a common dorm space without expecting-"

"Oh _relax,_ Remmie- you could really use some!" Sirius broke down into laughter. Remus didn't bother to correct his logic.

"You know what I'd _really_ like as a birthday present?" Remus chided. "If we could just lose this whole levitating-birthday-clock thing, I would be forever grateful to you both-"

"Not a chance!" James interjected. "We need to commemorate this momentous occasion _somehow!_ "

Remus sighed and put his head down on the table.

"Would it _kill_ you two to just go with the normal option for once? A nice, quiet dinner? I really don't want all of this extra attention-"

"That's why we're doing this, Remmie!" James smiled. "Because you _don't_ want the extra attention!"

Sirius just smiled in agreement and put his arm around Remus.

"Come on Remmie," He said, though more softly, just loud enough so Remus could hear him. "You deserve to have a little fun for once."

"I _do_ have fun…" Remus countered, blushing, though he already knew that he had effectively lost the argument minutes ago.

The boys eventually made their way from the hall, and met Peter in their dorm room. He was half-comatose after having gotten into one too many chocolate frogs, but still managed to raise his head and give a solemn nod to the boys.

They all fetched their respective books and headed to their first classes of the day: Remus to Potions, Peter to Herbology, and Sirius and James to Transfiguration. Remus and Peter both rushed off to their classes; Remus didn't want to break his streak of perfect attendance, and Peter was one tardy away from detention. Sirius gathered his items in his usual, disorganized fashion, while James just sat on his bed and looked at his friend.

"…what?" Sirius eventually asked, sensing eyes on his back.

James didn't answer straight away, but shrugged. Having been an only child, he was still unaccustomed to broaching more sensitive topics with other people his age. Sirius was his best mate, undoubtedly, but this required tact that James was unsure he possessed. That wouldn't stop him from trying, though.

"Come on, let's walk to class. We can talk more when we're there." He finally said, pleased with his neutral wording.

"…Okay, then…"

The two boys made the short walk to class in near silence, arriving at their classroom at the exact moment that Professor McGonagall happened to be rounding the corner into her classroom, in an event that would retroactively be known as "The Great Collision of '76".

"Potter! Black!" She finally managed after having un-skewed her hat. She managed to stand up, and it was apparent that she was _not_ pleased.

"Sorry, Professor! Sirius here just has his head in the clouds, and-"

"Hey!" Sirius defended himself. "I did not! Besides, _Minnie_ , that crash landing was no picnic for _me_ either…"

Minerva McGonagall's face somehow turned even more red with anger, and the boys feared it was going to just explode then and there until she finally yelled out,

"40 points from Gryffindor! For your excessive…clumsiness! And I will see you both in my office for detention tonight!"

And with that, she sharply pointed into her classroom, and followed the two boys in.

 _They don't pay me enough for this…_ she thought.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

 **Detention**

The day passed by in a blur, filled with classes, books, and friends, leaving little time for Sirius to get a moment alone with James. The vague feeling of unease that had preoccupied the boy since James' strange remark earlier in the day had not left him, and he was anxious to know the cause of his friend's out of character behavior. He entered the Great Hall to find Remus, James and Peter already sitting at their usual table.

"Hello gents!" He said, feigning confidence, something he had become more than proficient at. Remus looked up at smiled at him before returning to his reading. Peter was too focused on his food to notice anything else, and James nodded before looking down at his plate. After the boys had their fill, Remus and Peter retired to the dorm, leaving the other two boys behind. Sirius and James hadn't even had the chance to stand up before they were interrupted by a shrill, unpleasant and all too familiar sound-

"Black, Potter!" McGonagall began, striding over towards the two boys with surprising speed, her robes billowing out behind her as though they were enchanted to do so.

"I trust you two were headed directly to my office, is that correct?"

"Yes, Professor," They mumbled in unison.

"Good. Then why don't we all walk over there _together,_ right now? It would be a pity if you two were somehow…diverted." She smiled, looking rather pleased with herself.

The walk to her office was silent and uncomfortable, just like most of his day, Sirius thought to himself.

As they all rounded the corner in front of her office, Sirius felt pressure on his shoulder-strap and turned back towards James. His friend was slipping a piece of yellow parchment into his bag. He opened his mouth to question why, but James simply held up a finger to his mouth, urging his friend to be quiet. He raised an eyebrow quizzically but obliged as the three entered her office.

Professor McGonagall strode forward and confidently circled her desk before eventually lowering herself carefully onto a tall-backed wooden chair. Sirius took in the high stone walls and various paintings decorating the space. Noticing the extensive book collection, he wished to himself that Remus could have been there to witness it.

Sirius returned his gaze to that of his professors' as she cleared her throat. She peered over her wire-rimmed glasses at the two boys sternly.

"I shall be grading papers, and I expect you both to be taking notes, completing your homework, or partaking in a similarly _quiet_ activity," She looked at them sternly over her glasses, and they both nodded, taking their seats at the adjacent table.

Sirius reached down and pulled out his Astronomy textbook, when he noticed movement in his peripheral vision. He turned his head ever so slightly to his left, and saw that James was holding up a textbook as well. Taking closer stock of the boy, he saw something sticking out slightly beyond the border of the text. James subtly opened his book almost imperceptibly wider, and there, lying on top of the page, was another piece of parchment identical to the one that sat in his own bag.

James mouthed _Take out the parchment_ , and Sirius obliged.

As he placed the parchment down on top of his book, his eyes widened as James' familiar scrawl began to etch itself across the yellowed surface.

 ** _It's enchanted parchment. Don't look up and don't act suspicious._**

Sirius raised his eyebrows slightly in surprise, but then smiled, pulling out his own quill to reply.

 _Alright then… so. What were you going to talk to me about earlier?_

Sirius heard James sigh, and then his scrawl continued below.

 ** _Okay. So. I know that you might think this is a really weird question. Like, it's coming out of left field, or something, but just…hear me out, okay?_**

 _I mean…sure. Just ask me._

 ** _What do you think of Remus?_**

 _What do you mean…? He's one of my best mates, I like him of course._

 ** _I know you do. But that's not what I meant._**

 _Well what did you mean then?!_

 ** _Sirius. I've known you for a couple of years now, right? And you'd say I know you better than most anyone, yes?_**

Sirius paused before writing back, feeling strangely nervous.

 _Yes._

 ** _Alright…then know that I have thought a good deal about what I am about to write._**

 ** _I see you stare at him. I know that you think you're being sneaky but really, Sirius, you're not. Not to me at least. We might be best mates but the way you talk to him is different. And you're always finding excuses to touch him… not to mention the fact that I've seen you reject every single girl that's approached you all year, which is just not usual._**

 ** _You_** ** _are_** ** _my best mate, and I would never judge you for who or_** ** _how_** ** _you are. So if there's something you'd want to share with your_** ** _very best mate_** ** _, now might be a good time._**

Sirius's pulse quickened and he felt a rush of adrenaline through his body. His hand shook slightly over the paper, unsure of what to write. James had clearly stopped writing and was waiting for a reply, knowing that he had made his point more than plain. Sirius took a deep breath and put his quill to the parchment.

 _Well, it sounds like you already know how I feel, James._

He paused, before hastily adding:

 _Please don't tell anyone._ _At all._ _Especially not Remus. Okay?!_

 ** _Of course I won't tell anyone if you aren't ready for people to know._**

 ** _But Sirius…I hope you tell him. Someday, at least. It may go better than you are assuming it would._**

Sirius's mouth twitched as he thought of it. If his life had taught him one thing, it was that expectations were to be kept low; Otherwise, life would inevitably disappoint.

His mind flashed back to what James had written, and he grew slightly more nervous. His hand hesitated over the parchment for a moment, and then he began to reply.

 _So…does this mean you're okay with the other part too?_

 _The part where I'm not straight?_

 ** _Don't be a git. Of course I'm okay with it. What kind of friend would I be if I wasn't?_**

At that, Sirius did look up from the parchment, and met James' smiling face. He smiled back, and though his heart was racing, he felt strangely calm. Minerva looked up from her notes at that moment and frowned.

"You two are smiling quite a lot for teenaged boys in detention…and I don't care for it."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

 **Business as Usual**

It was an unspoken agreement between James and Sirius that The Night of the Enchanted Parchment would not be brought up again, though that didn't stop James from the occasional wink or good-natured smirk when he caught Sirius in the act of staring or excessive hugging. These jabs were generally met with an eye roll and a blushing Sirius.

Spring gave way to the beginnings of Summer, and assignments, full moons spent either in pain (for Remus) or in fear for their friend, and shenanigans gave way to final exams. Much to Remus's surprise, his three friends had been frequenting the library almost as much as he had. Whenever he brought it up, however, they just brushed the question off, or deflected, a skill Remus was all too familiar with.

Not that he minded, however. In fact, their alternating library schedules actually made it possible for Remus to study free from distraction, a welcome change from exam seasons of years past. He was there, at his usual table, a comfortable distance from any other students tucked in between the historical and biographical sections, when he heard a familiar-sounding whisper.

 _"_ _No, James, that can't be right…"_

Remus's head shot up; He would recognize Sirius's voice anywhere.

He quietly rose from his chair and marked the page on his textbook before winding around the bookcase, towards the back of the library, where he had heard the voice originating from.

Sure enough, to his surprise, as he made his way further back, he saw his three friends sprawled out over a number of large books. At the sound of his footsteps they all looked up, clearly caught off guard. James quickly replaced his wide eyes with a cheesy smile, slamming the book they were currently examining shut and attempting to cover it with his jumper.

" _Remus!_ What a pleasant surprise. Do you come here often? What would a strapping young man like yourself be doing in the library on a day such as this?" He gesticulated dramatically. Sirius just rolled his eyes at James' terrible acting.

"You know I do…" Remus muttered, immediately suspicious. " _I_ should really be asking _you three_ the latter, however. What's that book you're _clearly_ trying to hide from me?"

James moved to push it off the table, but Remus's reflexes were impossible to beat after a recent full moon and he got to it faster.

Snatching it up triumphantly, he turned it over and looked at the front cover.

His breath caught in his chest as his eyes widened and he looked up at his friends, mouth falling open slightly in shock.

" _ **Animagus**_ _Studies?!"_ He hissed. "You have been _sneaking_ around, for weeks now, so you can break the law behind my back? Are you insane? Are you _trying_ to get expelled?! Are you-"

"Remus!" James interjected, furrowing his brow, though a hint of a smile shown on his lips. "You need to give us a chance to- well, you need to breathe, first of all."

Remus rolled his eyes but took a breath, looking back at his friends expectantly.

"There's a reason we're doing this, Rem." Sirius began from his place at the table. "A good reason, too. It's for you actually."

The three boys looked over at Remus and smiled expectantly. He looked back at them blankly, not understanding.

"Why would _I_ want you to break the law? Haven't I-" He then was cut short by his own thoughts, racing. And he suddenly knew. Understanding, and then, panic, washed over him as he realized it all.

" _No_." He started, eyes wide and face unreadable. "You have _no_ idea what you're talking about doing. You haven't seen me… it's not even me. I could _kill_ you…" he voice began to break as he trailed off, looking down.

"Actually, Rem, we do. We've been studying this stuff pretty hard, and we have a really solid plan. Werewolf bites aren't even dangerous when in animal form, we checked. So you couldn't turn us; It would be three against one, we could certainly take care of ourselves-" James encouraged.

"-You need to let us be there for you. You need to accept this help, for _once_."

Sirius punctuated his sentence firmly, staring into Remus. _And I can't handle seeing you look so beaten every month,_ he added mentally.

There was silence, and then Peter chimed in.

"I know we haven't ever talked one-on-one about, you know, your _condition_ ," he grasped for the appropriate word. "But you _know_ I don't care, and I'm all-in on this too." They all nodded.

"By the time we come back next Fall, I guarantee we'll be able to go with you during the moon." James said proudly. And rightfully so, Remus thought, for this was rather advanced magic, especially for fifteen year olds.

These thoughts were overshadowed in his mind, however, by an even more overwhelming sense of gratitude, and other feelings he could not put a name to. Tears began to stream down his face, and in a rare moment of emotional transparency, he allowed himself to be seen crying.

As he raised his gaze, James was grinning widely, though shuffling a little, foot to foot, clearly uncomfortable with his friends intense reaction. Peter mirrored James, if a little less enthusiastically.

When Remus turned to Sirius, he saw that his friend, too, had tears streaming down his face. The boys met eyes for a moment, and Remus had no further time to analyze his friends' reaction as he was pulled into a big, teary hug. He breathed in and smelled Sirius' familiar scent- cologne, and something else, something familiar. Remus had wondered about his friends' scent before, and attributed it to his own condition; Probably just the wolf's sensitive nose , he thought.

Eventually the two broke apart at the sound of James clearing his throat. Remus looked down bashfully, not seeing the same involuntary reaction mirrored just next to him by his friend.

"I'm sorry… I just don't know what to say. I am so, so touched by…" he gestured towards the books, shaking his head in disbelief. "All of this. I can't believe…I mean, I never thought I would have friends at all, let alone ones as loyal and…" he paused, his voice breaking before continuing. He took a breath, not wanting to lose his composure once again.

"It's really amazing. You all are. But are you really sure you've _considered_ ," He looked pointedly at them, "The full extent to which this could go…poorly. For _all_ of you."

James looked to his left and right, then turned back to Remus, confidence and something like pride dancing across his features.

"We've thought this through. We know what we're doing. And we _want_ to do it."

There was a pause. One could have heard a pin drop in their small corner of the library, the air still with tension.

Remus sighed deeply while taking his three friends in. His three wonderful, crazy, saintly, _stupid,_ friends in.

There was something growing in his chest, a deep feeling, too subtle and new to name. But he felt it, warm and glowing there, as his heart beat rapidly. His veins ran warm with it, and he felt himself let out a breath he did not know he was holding in.

He was struck; Perhaps this is what it feels like to be accepted. He shivered, awash in something so strange and lovely.

"…Okay."

There never was another group hug as true in those boy's lives, as the one which had occurred in their little corner, that early Summer afternoon.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Correspondences

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _How have you been? I must admit I've had my fair share of worries concerning your state since we last saw one another; You were whisked away by your Mother before I could even say goodbye…_

 _I personally have been keeping quite busy; I think my parents may have gotten a little_ _too_ _encouraged by the whole OWLs thing- they've gotten the list of next year's textbooks early. Now I'm supposed to be "getting ahead"._

 _Not that I don't appreciate it- I truly do. I just think they sometimes want to forget what I am. Unfortunately, I can't out-study my furry little problem. I wish it was that easy to make them proud permanently._

 _Why worry about that right now, though… I am only fifteen!_

 _Have you seen James or Peter at all since term ended? I've been meaning to write to both of them._

 _Anyway, please write soon so I know that you're safe and accounted for._

 _Remus_

 _P.S. When can I see you?_

 ** _Dear Remus,_**

 ** _Yes, I am alive. The "well" part, I'm less sure of. But I'm doing fine, nothing to worry about._**

 ** _"_** ** _the whole OWLs thing"… yeah, right! You got_** ** _the highest marks_** ** _in our whole year, Remmie! Don't be so modest, some things are worth a little bit of pride._**

 ** _Your letter reminded me to write to Jamesy and Pete- thanks!_**

 ** _I'm sorry it took me so long to write. To be honest with you, my parents have been trying to prevent it entirely. They haven't been happy, Rem. Don't tell James or Peter, they'd just make a big thing of it and it's not worth freaking out over._**

 ** _How have you been, really? I know a Full's in two days. You had better be sure you write so I know you're alive and well._**

 ** _Sirius_**

 ** _P.S. I know James was planning another party like last Summer, and now we_** **know** ** _that certain days of the month are off of the table, so I had better see you there. I'll come there and bring you myself if I have to._**

 **Dear Sirius,**

 **I am most pleased to hear of your continued survival in Ye Olde Most Ancient and Snobbish House of Black (Did I write that correctly? Merlin, Walburga will have a fit if she intercepts this letter! I mean really, she'd have a fit even if she didn't see the letter, but still)**

 **You will be absolutely amazed when you see some of the tricks I've mastered on the new broom. Picture Evan Clearwater, but** **better** **.**

 **Remus wrote and said he found some book store nearby that his parents were actually willing to bring him to- I imagine this means any prospects of him getting out are now over. Sad.**

 **See you soon!**

 **James**

 _Dear Sirius,_

 _I only hope that is true- that you are fine, that is. I would hope that it goes without saying that if you were less fine than you had let on, I would probably be noticing it and here for you. (I am)._

 _I appreciate your saying that, but I'm almost certain you could have bested my score had you actually studied as I had suggested…_

 _Are you saying your parents are actually attempting to halt your communication with the outside world? Why Sirius, that simply cannot be allowed- I'm certain there must be some muggle or wizarding law against it. If you wanted I could talk to my dad, I know he knows a lot of people at the Ministry, if you needed help or some other way to get mail…_

 _I am alright. I can't deny that it was a rough change… it's strange, it's seemed to consistently worsen when I'm home on holiday. But it wasn't this bad prior to going to Hogwarts…does that make sense? It seems like since I've been, being home is harder for the wolf now. Perhaps I'm just imagining things._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Remus_

 _P.S. It's your birthday so close to the party, we really should be celebrating you! Is there anything in particular you would like? It's your day, after all!_

 ** _Dear Remus,_**

 ** _As much as I appreciate the offer, you seriously (no pun intended this time, honestly) cannot do that._**

 ** _Believe me when I say that there's no one your father knows that my family hasn't already blackmailed in some form at the Ministry._**

 ** _Not worth the trouble, and I'm almost certain the outcome would not be favourable for me._**

 ** _It means quite a lot, though, Remus. It's hard for me to talk about these things but I can with you._**

 ** _I hope_** ** _you_** ** _are as fine as you say (in regards to the moon). I'm so sorry they've been worse for you Remmie. If I could take on your condition for you, you know I would. In a heartbeat. Besides, I'm sure your wolfs-senses drive the ladies mad!_**

 ** _We'll all be reunited in just a few weeks, so if you can hang in there until then, I promise it will get better. And if not, at least I'll be there to give you chocolate._**

 ** _Yours,_**

 ** _Sirius_**

 ** _P.S. Please don't worry about my birthday- it's no big deal. Your presence is my present! ;)_**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 : Just Another Day**

Sirius felt the heat of the early morning sunlight coloring the space behind his closed eyelids before he even woke up fully. He must have forgotten to close the curtains last evening, he realized. Slowly rising from his unmade bed, he approached the window and glanced at his clock.

 _7:30 AM_

Irritable and tired, he threw himself under his covers in a futile attempt to fall back asleep, and, sensing it's ineffectiveness, resigned himself to waking up. He felt waves of soreness working their way through his adolescent body, still uncomfortably taller than it was just a few months ago.

It was with a rather unreasonable bitterness that he swung his legs off of the bed and began to rise to a standing position, surveying his rather destroyed room. His mother used to badger him about keeping it "properly tidy" when he was a young child, but quickly grew too frustrated with the task, and Sirius, to continue.

Sirius wondered if maybe he should make his bed before descending the staircase in order to delay leaving his room.

It was odd, he knew, to be so wary of beginning one's sixteenth birthday, but his past experiences and rational mind told him that it was not without good reason. His parents had made it some sort of sadistic annual ritual in which to share the worst news, to ask the worst, most intrusive questions, and, Regulus…

Regulus.

There was a name that hadn't crossed Sirius' mind in quite a while.

His once amiable younger brother, always looking up to him, always so eager to please, had shifted his focus from Sirius to Walburga; He suspected this was not a personal change, but rather a choice for survival.

Regulus had witnessed the intensity of his parent's dislike for Sirius and was probably only trying to get through his teenaged years unscathed.

At least, that was what Sirius had convinced himself was the cause of the ever-growing distance between the two brothers.

Lost in the realm of his thoughts, Sirius eventually looked back to the clock to find that it was almost 9 in the morning, and he bolted downstairs, surely late for breakfast.

As he took his place at the table, neither his mother nor father even so much as glanced upwards in acknowledgement. His father was reading the morning's edition of The Daily Prophet, and Walburga was cooing over Regulus's class selection for the upcoming year.

"And Potions with Horace Slughorn? Well, I'm sure he will take well to you my dear, provided you continue to keep your head in the right place and study well…" She said cooly, her gaze drifting over to Sirius.

"Not that we need to worry about _you_ as much as… well, never mind that, Regulus."

She smiled mockingly, raising an eyebrow at Sirius, whose Hogwarts letter remained unopened in the pile of remaining letters.

"You _do_ realize I can hear everything you say…" Sirius muttered in a dangerously low voice, picking through the porridge Kreacher slammed on the table in front of him.

He knew he should refrain from even listening to her this early on in his day, with so many more jabs and snubs ahead of him, but something in his now-sixteen-year-old spirit felt a little less capable of taking it laying down.

His father slammed the paper down on the table, causing Sirius and his brother to jump.

"You ungrateful, arrogant child!" He seethed. Rising from his chair, he strode to the head of the table and clasped his hands together importantly.

"You are one year closer to becoming our heir today, and you would do well to behave as _such."_

Sirius tried to take a breath, to "think of something nice" as Remus had always instructed to do when he felt himself beginning to lose his grip, but the rage, the anger, all kept boiling up. He slammed his hands down on the table in return before rising, glaring at his seething father dead on.

"I'm flattered, y'know." He began slyly. "I figured you all had forgotten it was my birthday, after all. Not that I would be surprise-"

" _Come with me._ " Orion cut in, his eyes dark and more frightening than Sirius had ever seen them. " **Now.** "

Before Sirius could respond, his father grabbed his forearm and pulled him away from a gaping Regulus and smirking mother and into the other room. The grip was so tight it almost drew blood, his nails digging into the delicate skin on Sirius's wrist. They turned off into the hallway, and Orion pulled them into his study, slamming the door closed behind them. When he finally turned to face Sirius, a strange smile had spread itself across his face.

"Kneel."

Sirius obeyed. He knew at this point that whatever his father had in mind, it would be safer for him to simply go along with it.

There was silence in the room for a moment before Orion began to speak, though almost imperceptibly quietly.

"There is more than meets the eye to being the head of this family. As you _should_ know, the Black family has been revered, respected and _feared_ for centuries by any wizard who knew a thing about proper society." He paced, but only barely, back and forth in front of his kneeling son, neither bothering to look at the other.

"It is that respect, that _fear_ , that has preserved our legacy, our standing in this world, and all that is most valuable." He stopped pacing and stared at his son. Sirius couldn't stop himself as he rolled his eyes automatically, though immediately regretting it.

His Father's face was still. He paused for a moment, and then continued.

"...And there are few things, more effective," He whispered, something terrifying and new glinting in his eye.

"…than a little _fear_."

Sirius felt it before he saw his Father draw his wand, but once it had begun, there was no need to look up or assess what had been done. He felt hot, slicing pains cutting through the fabric of his shirt, wrapping around his abdomen before intensifying, causing him to cry out as the sensations spread down his arms, stopping just a few inches above his wrists. Gaping down at the lines of blood seeping through his clothing, he looked up in agony and shock at his Father, who simply stood there, looking right through him.

"You would do well to make sure that you have a long-sleeved jumper for your ride back to school on Sunday…" He smiled, stepping easily towards the door.

Sirius was shaking, and ashamed to feel tears running down his face as the gashes littering his stomach and arms burned and oozed.

"Now, get out of my house. We do not expect to see you until next summer. Do not embarrass us any further this year, or I will be less gentle with you than I was today."

* * *

He didn't remember running back up to his room and packing. He didn't recall ripping off his bloodied shirt and covering himself with a jumper, or rushing away from Grimmauld Place. He didn't even remember flying, his broom speeding along faster than was safe.

And yet, there he was, looking and feeling utterly helpless as he stood on the front steps of the Potter's home. He felt spaced out, and confused, and almost unsure of the correct procedure to knock a door. He was saved from this conundrum as the door swung open and a gaping Edith Potter took in the boy.

"Oh, Sirius!" She whispered, knowing by the look in his eyes that something unpleasant had transpired with his family. If there was one thing that dominated Edith as a person, it was her mothering nature. She couldn't stop her mind from spinning off into scenarios with his family. She paled slightly as she thought of the way they were…and the way Sirius was. So _different._ And she knew how those people were with different. Every fiber of her being screamed to protect this child.

Regaining her composure slightly, she glanced behind herself.

" _James!_ Harold! Sirius is here!" She shouted before rushing the boy inside and fussing over him. Sirius took extra care not to grimace as he brushed his fresh wounds through the fabric.

No, he thought to himself. No one could know about what had happened. Not even James, or Remus. If there was one thing in the world that could possibly infuriate his father more than disobedience, it was the prospect of anyone taking issue with his methods of discipline. It reflected poorly on the great family name, after all. Not that it mattered that it was all true.

Before even a few seconds had passed, James was bolting down the stairs, swinging dangerously around the corner before rushing towards his best friend. He was smiling at first.

"Hey! You're early, the party's not for another day…" he stopped as he took in his friend more carefully, and concern grew in his eyes.

Sirius once again stifled a moan as he was pulled into a bear hug.

"What happened!?" Said James' muffled voice, pressed against Sirius's head.

When he pulled away, the look Sirius gave made it more than clear that he wasn't up for talking about it just yet.

James widened his eyes and then smiled, before looking to his Mother, then back at Sirius, who was clearly eager for a subject change.

"Wait!" He gestured dramatically. "It's your birthday! Happy birthday, Sirius!"

Edith followed his lead and grew animated and playful.

"Well, is that so? In that case, you two better go upstairs while I conjure something up to celebrate! You'll be staying here tonight, of course, dear…That is, if you'd like."

Sirius nodded enthusiastically. She smiled helpfully at them both before striding towards her husband and pulling him into the kitchen to update him on the situation.

The boys beelined for James's room, just as messy as the first time Sirius had seen it. He noticed that his friend had grown even more than he had over the holiday, now a few inches taller than himself.

"So…" James started, already struggling to make conversation about something other than the questions he had for his friend.

"Did you get the class schedule yet? I'm pretty sure we're stuck in Runes again-"

"We had a fight." Sirius interrupted, now beyond his ignore-what-happened stage and steadily getting into his this-is-your-best-mate stage.

"I mean...obviously we had a fight. But, yeah. It was bad. They basically said they didn't want to see me until next summer. And then my dad told me to get out. So I came here."

James nodded, sitting down on his bed.

"Right." He said, quietly. He had heard the few things his mother had said about the Blacks to his father, and could only imagine how rotten they had been to his friend. Over nothing at all, no doubt. His stomach turned as he thought of all the conversations spent convincing Sirius that going home for summer holidays wouldn't be so bad, after all...

"Well I'm glad that you knew you could come here. Our door's always open, of course."

"I know." Sirius said, smiling for the first time all day.

The boys sighed and Sirius joined him on the edge of the bed.

"Well, it's really a good thing you're here," James began. "My Mum's been nearly mental trying to get the house ready for the big party- she's invited some of her friends and their kids, you see- maybe now that you're here, her stress with be more evenly distributed between the two of us!"


	16. Chapter 16

_**Authors Note: I know, I know, I was very late on this update! I have made it up to you all by making this chapter longer than I had planned. And I promise things are about to get more interesting. :)**_

 _ **As always, each and every review is so very much appreciated! Thank you all for helping me stay motivated to finish this thing!**_

 **Chapter 16: An Event**

 _"Where I am at home, only the sparsest stars_

 _Arrive at twilight, and then after some effort._  
 _And they are wan, dulled by much travelling._  
 _The smaller and more timid never arrive at all_  
 _But stay, sitting far out, in their own dust._  
 _They are orphans. I cannot see them. They are lost._  
 _But tonight they have discovered this river with no trouble,_  
 _They are scrubbed and self-assured as the great planets." (Sylvia Plath)_

When the two boys awoke from their food coma the next morning, they were still feeling weighed down and sluggish. Edith Potter, in a classic move, decided that "special birthdays call for special measures", and prepared the largest dinner she could manage.

Sirius didn't have much of an appetite to start, but felt more touched than he cared to admit by the gesture and began eating before he knew what had happened.

James and Sirius hadn't spoken again about the reason he needed to stay with them, because it just wasn't necessary.

That was the great thing about James as a friend, Sirius thought. James didn't expect him to talk it all out, given that he was so lousy at expressing feelings himself.

Sirius just knew that whatever happened, it would be okay. James would be there for him, and treat him the same as always, no respect lost.

He hated it when people acted strangely around him when something went wrong- as if he was too fragile to handle it. Not that he minded some gentleness, however. He certainly had been lacking in gentle people for most of his life.

Yes, he appreciated all of the gentle, caring _givers_ in his life. Like Edith Potter. Taking him in with no question, treating him like another son. It had always been that way with her, and he sometimes wondered to himself if that was how a mother was supposed to feel. In his life, the strongest emotion thoughts of his mother provoked were simply terror.

And then there was ever-gentle Remus…

The boy had been trying so hard to avoid those thoughts, or to somehow will them away.

He was painfully unsuccessful in his efforts.

It almost hurt, thinking about him. Not that Remus had done anything wrong; Come to think of it, Sirius wasn't sure if Remus had done a thing wrong in his entire life.

It just felt as though dwelling on his crush was, in this situation, foolish. Not to mention, counterproductive. Fixating on, and growing, these feelings would inevitably lead to heartbreak, or a lost friendship, or both.

And if there was one thing Sirius could not handle, it was losing Remus. In any capacity.

Which made the frustration he felt at a mind running wild, amplify tenfold.

He was hopeless.

 _"_ _Sirius!"_

The boy snapped his head towards the source of the noise to find James exasperatedly waving a hand in front of his face.

"Oh, sorry. I was just zoning out…"

"Yeah, you do that sometimes, mate." James chuckled, sitting back down. He glanced up at Sirius with a look for a short, but perceptible moment.

"You sure you're doing okay today? If a party would be too much, you could always stay up here…"

"No, don't be ridiculous. I'm fine, James, really." In that moment, Sirius was glad he was rarely disposed to blushing. "As a matter of fact, a party is just what I need right now."

James smiled at that and nodded, chuckling lightly.

"Yeah, me too. It will be great to see everyone as well, get a head start on catching up at the station, y'know?"

Sirius nodded absently. James studied him and smirked.

"And it'll be good to see Pete…and Remus, too."

Sirius looked up at the mention of his name, and James winked, egging his friend on, who had so easily given him the reaction he was after.

"Oh, sod off," Sirius muttered, shoving James lightly.

"Seriously, though…what are we going to tell him? Do you want me to tell him? I'm not super good at words and stuff but I know you might just get all emotional talking to him about it and we don't want a whole awkward scene at the party and-"

"-No! No, James…relax. We don't need to mention what happened. We don't need to worry him. Or Peter. It's really not a big deal. We can just tell them I got here early, okay?" He finished, thinly veiled desperation in his voice.

"Of course. Relax, It's not like I'm going to force you to say anything at this point-"

" _-Boys_!" Edith's harried voice carried up into the second floor. _"I need your help with these streamers, please!"_

They both groaned in unison and trudged down the stairs.

—

Remus was, to put it mildly, indecisive. It's not that he lacked direction in his life- quite the opposite, in fact; He considered himself to be more determined than most of his peers. Large life decisions are simple- be practical. Assess the benefits, drawbacks, and then choose responsibly.

The smaller choices, however…they never failed to challenge.

And as he stood in front of the mirror, on the verge of changing his mind for the third time regarding his choice of vest, he determined that it was time for him to be practical. It wasn't as if any vest would change the underlying scrawniness beneath it, or the scars.

The longer he lingered in front of the mirror, the more he felt his self loathing bubble up, growing, coming to a boiling point. There were many things he hated about his condition, and at the moment the most immediate aspect was the undeniable visibility of it, at least in his eyes. Every scar, each tiny nick, resurfaced some of the most painful and horrifying moments of his life.

Subconsciously pulling his sleeves down to ensure all marks were covered, he turned to leave his room, vest utterly forgotten. His knapsack had been packed the night before, and he was largely prepared to floo over to the Potter's house.

Leaning over his bed frame, he picked up the small gift box that he had placed there the previous evening. It had been no small feat selecting a birthday present properly fitting for Sirius in all of his grandness, but Remus felt he had done well in his choice. He managed a small smile before nervously tucking the box into his pocket.

It would be a clear untruth to claim that he hadn't noticed the disproportionate amount of nervousness he felt selecting his friend's gift, but Remus simply wanted it to be perfect. Sirius had been there for him through so much, and he frankly sometimes still wondered why the heir decided to hang around such an undeniably nerdy, dark creature.

A great birthday present was the very least he could have done.

He mentally affirmed that it certainly was an excellent choice, even if he was a little nervous to actually present it. Where that particular brand of anxiety was originating from, Remus had no clue.

" _Mon chou!"_ He could hear his mother's airy voice echo upwards through the rafters. " _Are you ready to go?"_

"I'm coming!" He responded, moving down the stairs and into the living area, greeted by the sight of his mother nervously primping her hair in the mirror.

She was, unquestioningly, a beautiful lady, and all of her primping did little to alter that.

Her lack of social experience, at least in the Potter's language, was apparent. His Mother did have a proclivity for worrying, but he couldn't stop a small smile from appearing on his face as he took in her unnecessary fretting.

"Ne vous inquiétez pas," Remus said gently, patting his Mother's shoulder. He had grown quite significantly over the holiday and now towered over her.

"After all, the Potters are some of the kindest people one could encounter. I promise, they'll like you."

She smiled gingerly at that and squeezed his hand. Turning, she moved towards the fireplace, preparing it for use. His father, as per usual, had "serious academic matters" to attend to, as he so often did, and would be gone for the weekend.

The sound of the fireplace roaring to life, green flames shooting upwards, filled the space, and Remus stepped closer as the initial flame died down, grabbing a fistful of floo powder.

 _"_ _The Potter Manor!"_

—-

The Potter's house was already filled to the rafters with people by the time Remus and his Mother arrived. They both warily stepped inside, their politeness causing them to hesitate as they had not been formally invited in. However, their hosts were lost in the crowd, and there was no one present to indulge in their formalities.

Remus's mother visibly relaxed as he tapped her on the shoulder and gestured towards Edith and her husband.

"That's them," He whispered encouragingly before walking over with her.

"Remus!" Edith beamed down at him. She pulled him into a hug before he had time to protest.

"Well haven't you grown? And this," She turned towards Emelie Lupin, beaming. "Must be your lovely mother. Edith Potter, a pleasure. And this is my husband, Harold." She shook Emelie's hand and her husband nodded with a smile.

Turning back towards Remus, she nodded up towards the staircase.

"I'm fairly certain the boys made their way upstairs with a few of their friends if you'd care to join them. I'm going to take the liberty of introducing your mother here to some of the other parents!"

His mother's frightened look at those words was enough to make him break out in laughter, but he exercised his usual restraint and simply smiled at them before hopping up the staircase.

Passing a few unfamiliar faces in the hallway, he was beginning to feel uncertain until he heard a very loud, and very familiar voice ring out from an adjacent room.

"Believe me when I say that it was a **long** way down from there-"

Pushing the door open slowly, he found James, Sirius, Peter, and another boy and girl he recognized from school, though not by name.

"Hi," He said quietly, suddenly feeling more shy than he had moments before.

"Moony!" James yelled, leaping to his feet and nearly tackling Remus.

"Really, James, I think you broke something..." Remus chuckled sheepishly, brushing his clothes back down. He looked up at Sirius and smiled broadly.

"Hi Sirius. Pete."

Pete smiled back and waved. Sirius smiled, though not with his eyes, and got up. Remus immediately noticed how tired his eyes looked. Feeling a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he knew something was up.

"It's really great to see you, Remmie." He pulled Remus into a short, but gentle hug. Their eyes met as they pulled away, and Remus's smile fell as he saw a look of distinct sadness on his friends' face.

"Happy birthday, Siri." The room was quiet for a moment, and Remus, recognizing the expectation to continue the conversation was falling, apparently, on him, continued.

" _So_ , how does it feel to be sixteen?"

He knew he was copping out and ignoring what he had just seen, but some things were better left for private moments. And knowing Sirius, he likely wasn't jumping to talk about whatever it was.

His suspicion was confirmed as Sirius adopted his usual, performative persona and made some joking remark to the boy on the bed about "Finally feeling his age".

Remus learned over the next half hour that the boy, Edwin, was a 2nd year Hufflepuff, and loosely related to James- though how, he wasn't able to catch. The girl was named Alice, and apparently had studied at the same table as him for the last year, which was awkwardly received as Remus did not recognize her.

Nonetheless, by the time Edwin and Alice went off to find their other friends, they all had laughed and become rather amiable with one another. Remus was beaming, the pervasive sense of loneliness that had so often pervaded his summers drifting away.

James got up to close the door behind them as they left. Turning back to the rest of them, he smiled broadly, theatrically widening his arms and making jazz hands.

Remus forgot just how strange his friends really over their time apart.

"It's... _present time_!"

The boys had agreed ahead of time that Sirius would open all of their presents at once- for the sake of sentimentality, though none of them were likely to admit it.

"Of course, mine is first-" James said, already crouching down and unveiling a beautifully wrapped, thin package hidden under his bed.

Sirius took the package, beaming, and tore the wrapping off so indelicately it prompted laughter from the other three.

"What?!" He scoffed. "It's not as if we were planning on re-using it!"

Their laughter was cut short when they saw what was hidden beneath the paper.

"Wow, James..." Sirius began, brushing his fingers over the glass of the now-exposed, framed picture.

It was a candid; One of the others boys in the year must have taken it, Remus observed. It was a moving image of the four Marauders sitting by the willow tree- James leaning on one of the branches, occasionally swinging his arm around it and hanging. Peter was watching James, sitting a few feet away. Sirius and himself were both lying against the base of the tree, just looking up at the clouds, smiling about something one of them had said.

The sight was enough to make Remus emotional, and Sirius clearly felt the same way. He was making fists with his hands, a habit Remus had observed surfacing in more intense moments.

After a long silence and a lot of nodding, Sirius merely looked over to James and smiled deeply.

"This is bloody brilliant!" He laughed. "I can't begin to say how much I love this." He cleared his throat roughly, presumably before his voice got the chance to break. James just smiled and nodded, knowing his gift had impressed.

"Well, after that this might not seem so great, but here's mine!" Peter interjected, thrusting a slightly tatty gift bag towards Sirius.

"Don't be ridiculous, Pete," Sirius said, looking down and still smiling broadly as he fiddled around inside of the bag. Pulling out a large bag of wrapped chocolate frogs, he turned towards Peter enthusiastically.

"Wow! This is an _excellent_ gift, Peter! Thank you so much."

Remus smiled and felt something warm in the pit of his stomach as he saw how good Sirius was at lighting other people up. Peter beamed, enjoying the acknowledgement.

"I'm so glad you like it!"

"Of course," Sirius said, already unwrapping one of the frogs. "The only one in this room who likes frogs more than I do, is Remmie over there."

"You may have a fair point," Remus chuckled, leaning back against the wall. "Well, I suppose it's my turn, now, isn't it?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small gift box. Feeling a subtle fluttering of anxiety within himself, he stepped forward and handed it to Sirius.

"I hope you like it. Of course it's fine if you don't, though, I just-" Remus began to ramble as Sirius intently untied the small ribbon and opened the box.

"-No." He interrupted Remus's stumbling words. "It's perfect."

At those words, Remus looked up, surprised.

"Really?" He responded, eyebrows raised.

"Of course." Sirius said, eyes never leaving the small object in his palm, face unreadable. It was a small, silver colored necklace. He palmed the side of it and it popped open, revealing a small piece of paper rolled up inside, which he unravelled.

The room was silent for a few moments, everyone waiting for Sirius to say something else. He didn't. James looked at Sirius, then at Remus. Peter cleared his throat. Remus was just blushing.

"Well, my mum must have brought desert out by now... I don't know about you lads but I'm there!" He nodded at Remus and motioned for Peter to join him. He let Peter lead the way, and before exiting, turned back towards Remus. Looking suddenly more serious, he mouthed "Talk to him", and then turned on his heel and stomped down the stairs. Remus could hear him yelling to Peter about something involving a pie.

Remus paced towards the bed where Sirius was seated and sat down gently beside him.

"It's something muggles call a locket...I'm not sure if a pureblood family would know about that kind of thing... and the poem, erhm, is by this Muggle writer named Sylvia Plath."

He paused, feeling his embarrassment grow. He was unsure as to whether Sirius's silence was attributable to confusion, or judgement. Stupidly, he continued.

"I just...your name. The name Sirius, it's a star. Of course you knew that, but... the first line of the poem, 'They, the stars, are as scrubbed and self-assured as the great planets.'...I just thought it was a beautiful idea. Maybe when you're feeling a little unsure it might provide some comfort or-"

Any further rambling was ceased as Sirius began to shake, covering his face with his palms, fingers pressing deeply into the area around his eyes. Remus had never seen his friend in this state before, and it scared him. He knew his initial intuition was correct, something was very wrong.

He didn't hesitate to pull Sirius closer, his arm over his friend's shoulder. Sirius began to deepen his breath and ceased his shaking, clearly resenting losing control momentarily.

"I'm sorry," He muttered, the sound muffled through the fabric of Remus's shirt.

"Don't be." Remus replied gently, still lost as to why his friend was in so much distress. All he knew was he wanted to see Sirius smile again.

They sat there like that for a little while, Sirius breathing into Remus's shirt, Remus sitting there patiently waiting for him to be ready to talk.

Eventually, Sirius pulled away and straightened up, wiping his hands over his face and sighing.

Turning suddenly to Remus, his face looking slightly less taut than it had just minutes before, he mustered a small sigh.

"Would you care to join me on a short walk, Mr. Moony?"

Remus smiled, relieved. _This_ was the Sirius he knew.

"I would be honored."

They both got up and left the room, closing the door behind them. As they began descending the stairs, Remus was caught off guard. He heard loud, boisterous laughter that sounded incredibly familiar to him.

Sure enough, there was Emelie Lupin, laughing and socializing with not just Edith, but three other adults he did not recognize. They all appeared to be eating it up, and Remus didn't blame them. It was hard to take in her tiny, French self and not be enchanted.

He broke into a grin, shaking his head.

"And she was nervous to come here earlier...I can't understand for the life of me why. She's so damned likable." He muttered to Sirius, who smiled as he watched her.

"I can see the resemblance." He replied.

They wove their way through a small crowd gathered in the foyer and slipped out the front door, and into the warm night. Remus loved late summer evenings- the way the Sun from the previous day still warmed the Earth up long past it's setting.

They began walking, ambling along the driveway in silence, occasionally looking up to the starry sky. Sirius stopped and crouched down, pointing at something on the ground.

"Look!" He whispered. Remus inched closer and kneeled down with him, smiling as he saw what Sirius had been pointing at.

There, in front of them, so small and wide-eyed, was a tiny pond frog. It's large, glassy black eyes blinked at them once and then froze completely.

"I wonder if it will let me pet it," Sirius whispered.

Sirius reached out towards it slowly, his fingers hovering above it's small head. Remus felt his breath hitch in his throat as he looked at the pale skin exposed by his shirt cuff, now pulled back, and the tiny red lines littered across his wrist.

His heart racing, he remained silent as Sirius lowered his finger down on it's head delicately. The frog blinked but didn't move. Remus blinked, and felt that he too was frozen.

"Sirius..." Remus finally managed. Sirius looked up at his friend, and followed his gaze to the still-exposed wrist. Immediately he pulled his hand away from the creature, which hopped away instantly. He quickly pulled down on the hem of his shirt, though he knew just how futile that was.

They were both silent for a moment, Remus staring into Sirius's eyes, which were trained squarely on the ground.

Remus inched closer to his friend and abandoned crouching for sitting back on the ground. Sirius remained still for another moment, and then sat down too, still looking away.

The air felt heavier each moment as the silence became more tense. Remus was the first to make a noise, breathing out fully and turning to look at his friend, whose eyes were still trained on the ground, his face once again fallen into it's familiar mask.

"I know what it's like..." Remus began, his voice breaking sooner than he had anticipated. Sirius looked up at him and this time Remus looked away, engaging in their own strange game of hide-and-seek.

Remus took another breath and started again.

"I know what it's like to have to hide scars." On the final word, he forced himself to meet Sirius's eyes, which were now clearly watery.

"And I just wish..." He started again, then stopped. "Whatever this...whatever happened, Sirius," He continued, pulling at the grass around him as he spoke.

"I would have hoped you'd have known you could have talked to me about it. I hope you know we can talk about it right now."

Sirius responded by roughly wiping a stray tear and shaking his head, looking back down. They were both quiet again.

"You are the only soul besides my Father that's seen these." Sirius spoke, with a quiet intensity that, paired with his words, told Remus everything he needed to know.

"Given what we both know about my family...this needs to stay between us. It has to." Sirius was now crying without restraint. Remus was struck by just how fragile his normally larger-than-life friend was in that moment.

"Sirius... you can't go back there. They can't do this... you have clearly been seriously hurt." Remus said, crying too. Sirius was still shaking his head and looking down, and Remus felt a sense of desperation grow within himself.

"I'm just so worried about you, Sirius! I have been all summer. A day hasn't gone by that I wasn't thinking of you, or worried about you. You deserve better than this. You deserve to be treated with care and respect and love. You know that, right?"

The two looked at each other for a moment, each inundated by their own oceans of feeling that had been so carefully kept just below the surface.

"I don't know." Sirius finally said, sighing as he looked back up at the sky. Remus couldn't bring himself to look away.

"Well I do." Remus replied, looking upwards and smiling as he saw a star shoot across the sky. If he had been looking at his friend, he may have caught Sirius looking at his lips for a brief moment. This was just one of many missed clues.

"Your present...it's the best present I've ever had. You've all given so much to me over the last few years, but you especially, Remmie." Sirius spoke, his eyes never leaving his friend. Remus turned and smiled, the concern in his eyes melting away.

"We'll always have each other's backs." He confirmed. "And... I will, especially." He added, smiling once again.

"I _am_ sorry I didn't tell you. To be forthcoming, I wasn't entirely convinced I was ever going to. I just would hate for you to worry about me going through something that I have no control over..."

"Gee, I wonder what that feeling must be like..." Remus drawled sarcastically.

They both laughed, and the tension all but evaporated.

"Listen...we can talk about this more on the train. It's getting quite late so I should really check on my Mother and make certain she hasn't been whisked off to some other gathering. But..." Remus paused, placing a reassuring hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Never forget that my house is open to you each and every holiday. And never forget that you have someone in your corner who has some idea... more than most, at least, of what _this_ feels like."

Sirius felt his heart nearly beat out of his chest and nodded, knowing full well he would never burden Remus's small family with his presence. Not to mention, an even closer proximity to Remus could only lead to him slipping up somehow and ruining their friendship entirely. None of that diminished the deep gratitude he felt for this wonderful human being he had somehow been lucky enough to encounter in his life.

"Right, Remmie...Thank you. So much."

He pulled Remus into another hug, feeling vaguely guilty. He shouldn't exploit this friendship just for the sake of getting to be physically close to Remus. In these moments, however, he truly felt as if a warm hug from Remus was the only thing standing between him, and total destruction.

"I'll see you tomorrow...coming inside with me, or?"

"...No. I think I'll just look at the stars for a while longer. Clear my mind, y'know?" Sirius responded over his shoulder as Remus got up, brushing the dirt off of himself.

"Absolutely. Good night, Siri."

"Night."


End file.
